The question ABC should be asking for next season is not: "Will 'Spin City' be able to survive the loss of Michael J. Fox?" but: "Will 'Spin City' be able to survive the addition of Charlie Sheen?"
And that would appear to be an iffy proposition at best.
Fox, of course, is quitting the series at the end of this season to concentrate on helping to find a cure for Parkinson's disease, the debilitating syndrome with which he is himself doing battle. And ABC, apparently looking for a "star" with name recognition to replace him, turned to Sheen.
Coincidentally, just after ABC confirmed the hire, I happened to catch the episode of "Friends" that Sheen did four seasons ago, "The One with the Chicken Pox." And, to be blunt, he demonstrated no facility with comedy whatsoever.
Sheen played a straight-man, to be sure. And his best movie comedies have put him in just such a role — from his brief-but-appealing appearance in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" to the better parts of "Hot Shots!" and "Hot Shots! Part Deux."
Now, the fact is that "Spin City" is already populated by more than its share of wacky characters. And Fox often played the straight man — sort of the island of sanity in a sea of insanity, which is something Sheen might be able to pull off.
But Fox and his character, New York deputy mayor Mike Flaherty, also acted more than a bit wacky himself at times. Whether Sheen can pull that off is the big question.
Making Sheen as the centerpiece of a TV sitcom may require more from him than he's capable of playing.
Maybe it will work out great. Maybe Sheen has some untapped comedy talents that will surprise everyone. But following Fox, who was a master of TV comedy, isn't going to be easy.
And it's hard to shake the feeling that ABC decided to go with a big name — a movie star (even a second-rate movie star) — instead of a comedic actor.
FATHER VS. SON: It's entirely possible that either ABC or NBC (or both) could shake up their Wednesday-night schedules this fall, but the current configuration could lead to an interesting intra-family confrontation.
Charlie Sheen will be starring in "Spin City," which is currently seen on Wednesdays at 8:30 p.m. on ABC, directly opposite the second half of "The West Wing" on NBC. And that series features Charlie's father, Martin Sheen, as the president of the United States.
REGIS RENEWS: Word that Regis Philbin has signed a new long-term contract with Disney to continue as host of both "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" and "Live with Regis (without Kathie Lee)" is welcome news indeed.
(Philbin's daytime contract was set to expire next year; details of the new pact weren't released, but the powers-that-be at Disney-owed ABC and Buena Vista Television let it be known the new deal will run for "several more years.")
With that out of the way, we can now concentrate on who might replace Kathie Lee Gifford. My vote (if I had one) would go for Joy Philbin, who is delightful when she guest-hosts with her husband.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING: Among the more unbelievable names to have surfaced in the replacing-Kathie Lee-derby is CNBC stock reporter Maria Bartiroma.
Bartiroma's biggest fan and booster is none other than Bartiroma herself. If she actually gets the job (which seems extremely unlikely), even confirmed Kathie Lee-haters would quickly be calling for Gifford's return.
(Of course, fired "Good Morning America" co-host Joan Lunden — whose name has also been bandied about — would have a similar affect on viewers.)
Speaking of Bartiroma and CNBC, the cable channel is aiming a weekly show at young, rich types who want to invest in the stock market. That's the good news.
The not-so-good news is that the show, which debuted Friday at 5 p.m., is titled "Market Week with Maria Bartiroma," which, unfortunately, means that Bartiroma will be front and center.
Perhaps it could just be titled "Egomaniac on Parade."
NOT SO SECRET: UPN continues to struggle with prime-time programming that doesn't include professional wrestlers. The latest casualty is "Secret Agent Man," which has been yanked from the schedule following a briefer-than-scheduled tryout run.
Well, it lasted five episodes, which is about four more than it really deserved. (Nine unaired episodes remain, so expect to see them get burned off sometime this summer.)
This lame attempt at reviving "The Man from U.N.C.L.E." — which came to us from "Men In Black" director Barry Sonnenfeld and producer Barry Josephson — was the lowest-rated show on UPN, which is quite an accomplishment. It currently ranks 164th out of 174 series that have aired on prime-time network TV this season.
In place of "Secret Agent Man," UPN will air reruns of "The Parkers" and "Moesha" on Tuesdays at 7 and 7:30 p.m., respectively. Those sitcoms will also continue to air on Monday nights.
LONG-RUNNING HIT: CBS recently marked 572 consecutive weeks as the No. 1 network in the daytime ratings.
For those of you doing the math, that's 11 years.
But that's nothing. The soap opera "The Young and the Restless" made it 587 consecutive weeks at No. 1. For those of you doing the math, that's 11 years and three months (more or less).