The NBA playoffs are a tough place to be right now. Trust me, nobody's getting along. The Knicks and Heat. Matt Geiger and Reggie Miller. Olden Polynice and Scottie Pippen. Rasheed Wallace and referees.
Bonzi and I.
Even columnists are being dragged into the fray. I was standing in the Portland locker room with other reporters following Sunday afternoon's Jazz win when I overheard Bonzi Wells tell a teammate what bodily harm they were going to do to Jeff Hornacek and Howard Eisley during Game 5 in Portland.
I asked him what he meant by this, and Wells turned nasty. "I didn't say that, and don't you write it," he said. When I begged to differ, Wells snapped, "If you write that, I'll come after you. What's your name?"
I told him my name — B-r-a-d R-o-c-k — then he repeated his threat.
Not really. I told him my real name loud and clear, and then he repeated his threat — "If you write that, I'll come after you." Apparently, Wells thought he was back on the mean streets of Muncie, Ind., instead of an NBA locker room. Moments later, as I left the room, scribbling notes, I heard him mutter, "Punk &$%& *#&$! Get out of here, $#@*!"
I could tell you what Bonzi said he'd do to Horny and Eisley, but if I did he'd have to kill me. He'd have to "come after me," whatever that means. Sorry, but if you want to know what he said, you'll have to call me or e-mail me. Or you could just read the next paragraph.
"We're going to beat up Hornacek and Eisley (in Portland)," he said, among other things.
I know. I didn't think it sounded like a big deal either the first time I heard it. Beat up Hornacek and Eisley? This is news? They've been doing it for four games. Anyone with a TV knows they're beating up Eisley and Hornacek in the post. If Bonzi thinks he's guarding a state secret, he's too late. The word is out. What else is he going to tell us next, that Greg Ostertag can't catch the ball?
But Bonzi did use the term "beat up," and that's not good. Post up, yes, beat up, no. Maybe that's why he's nervous. In theory, basketball does not include beating up an opponent, but, as I said, that's just in theory. In practice, it's a whole different matter. In theory, basketball also does not include posting up or beating up columnists, as far as I know.
Apparently, Bonzi is worried that his quote will end up on the bulletin board in the Jazz locker room and fire up the opponent. My editor doesn't send me to games to pick up locker room fodder for the Jazz, but if he did, this would be a pretty good start. On the other hand, he didn't tell me not to, either. So, here's a convenient clip-and-save quote for the Jazz locker room, with it's very own paragraph:
"WE'RE GOING TO BEAT UP HORNACEK AND EISLEY."
This might make the locker room bulletin board, too: "They played well today, but they can't play well Tuesday (in Game 5)," said Wells. "We got a lot of confidence."
Then he went on to prove it: "They're scared of me and Steve in the post." When a teammate kidded him about running off at the mouth, Wells, the 23-year-old kid, said, "Hey, man, I'm giving them something to write."
And don't think we don't appreciate it, either.
Anything Bonzi says has got to be better than what Detlef Schrempf, for instance, was saying. When someone asked him what the difference was between Game 4 and the first three games, he said, "We scored fewer points than they did."
We in the media risk our lives to enter NBA locker rooms so we can hear such gems. Schrempf was on a roll: "We play one game at a time," he said. As opposed to two simultaneously.
This is the kind of profundity for which we journalists trudge to the locker room (the other day, Greg Anthony, one of the good guys on the Blazer team, told the media, "The longer the series goes, the better chance they have.")
The Blazers lost 88-85 to the Jazz Sunday, but they had difficulty playing the part of losers. Someone noted the smiles in the locker room and Bonzi — this was before he turned thug — said, "Oh, man, you know they needed a win, they needed it more. Now we're going back to Portland."
Bonzi and the gang lost none of their swagger despite the loss. They did everything they could to lose Game 4 while shooting just 37 percent from the field, and they still came within one basket of winning the thing. But if they lose Game 5, Bonzi and the Blazers are coming back to Salt Lake City.
Sure hope Brad Rock isn't in town.
E-mail: drob@desnews.com