SCREWED -- turkey -- Norm Macdonald, Dave Chappelle, Danny DeVito, Elaine Stritch, Sarah Silverman, Daniel Benzali; rated PG-13 (vulgarity, slapstick violence, profanity, nudity); Carmike 12 and Ritz 15 Theaters; Century Theatres 16; Cinemark Jordan Landing Theaters; Loews Cineplex Broadway Centre, Midvalley and South Towne Center Cinemas.Sometimes a title says it all. "Screwed" pretty much sums up Universal Pictures' position in terms of investment, Norm MacDonald's in matters of career, and filmgoers in prospect of enjoyment.
Moviemakers Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski, who wrote the smart if superficial "Ed Wood" and "The People vs. Larry Flynt," have dumbed themselves down beyond metering level. "Screwed" is a training film for making bad comedy.
First, concoct a witless story idea. About, say, a put-upon chauffeur whose attempt to kidnap his harridan boss's prize dog leads him to somehow kidnap himself and chase after a lost $5 million ransom. Give it a mind-bogglingly wrongheaded underpinning.
Next, fill the scripts with twistless twists, numbingly unfunny jokes and lame insult exchanges.
Then -- and this is important -- miscast as completely as possible.
Hire former "Saturday Night Live" star Norm Macdonald, whose sole talent is for crafty hostility, to play Willard as a pea-brained, gibbering baby. Waste skillful Dave Chappelle in the role of clownish sidekick. As the chauffeur's clingy romantic interest, cast an actress (Sarah Silverman) so attractive and self-possessed that she clearly wouldn't let someone like Willard drive her to the store.
Finally, direct your script in a completely flat, blocky style. Have Macdonald do more panicky, wide-eyed double takes than Jamie Lee Curtis in the "Halloween" films. Have Chappelle hit with a bedpan. Include a collision between police cars. Remember the dog poop. And don't forget to add a loud, monotonous score.
But your movie still lacks an inspired individual touch. How about a Norm Macdonald nude scene?
"Screwed" has all this and more, but even its awfulness is imperfect. Broadway's ironclad Elaine Stritch actually extorts a laugh or two as Willard's hideous boss. Self-sacrificing Danny DeVito, who has produced two scripts by the writer-directors, hits a few wild notes as a shaggy, demented morgue attendant swept up in Willard's scheme.
I'm relieved to say that even their subversive flair isn't enough to mar the overall wretchedness.
"Screwed" is rated PG-13 for vulgar humor, slapstick violence, profanity and brief male nudity. Running time: 85 minutes.