Jock talk on a Monday afternoon . . .
I'll tell you what, the XFL is going to great lengths to use its cheerleaders — a.k.a. The Women of Dow Corning — as a drawing card. I was put on hold by the Las Vegas Outlaws headquarters the other day, and instead of elevator music, I got a pre-recorded message: "We'll probably be the baddest team," said a gruff voice. "So we're looking for the baddest girls."
Note to XFL: Grow up.
Recent experience has taught us that NBA players are apathetic about the All-Star Game and don't want to play in it. What if fans start to feel the same way?
I'll tell you what, since O.J. Simpson moved to the Miami area a year ago, police have been busier. They have responded three times to disturbances between Simpson and his girlfriend, Christie Prody. Police were called to the Simpson residence in January after a neighbor reported an argument. Prody told police he was angry because she came home late.
Earth to Prody: Have you made the connection yet? Simpson . . . A Bronco . . . Johnnie Cochrane . . . The Trial . . . Nicole.
I'll tell you what, NBA commissioner David Stern recently stated in an interview with the Washington Post that "the NBA has become the harbinger of what's going on in the world." I don't suppose this is good news for the world's wives and girlfriends.
Let's see, Cliff Robinson gets busted for dope and a DUI. Jason Kidd punches his wife in the face in front of their child. Olden Polynice pretends he's a police officer, twice. Penny Hardaway gets charged with intimidation for holding a gun to his girlfriend's head. Rod Strickland and Michael Smith are arrested for DUIs. Charles Oakley slaps Jeff McInnis during a shootaround. Marcus Camby tries to sucker punch Danny Ferry and gives his coach 12 stitches instead. Rasheed Wallace throws a towel in a referee's face and leads the free world in technicals. Ruben Patterson breaks a guy's jaw for scratching his car at a nightclub. . . . And Stern says, "I'm still willing to put our NBA players up against anybody in terms of the overall behavior issue."
How about the state prison population?
I'll tell you what, if the post-Larry Bird/Michael Jordan/Magic Johnson generation is trying to win us over to the NBA, they're going about it all wrong.
I'll tell you what, sometimes you get the feeling that the XFL is just plain mean-spirited. After a quarterback threw an incomplete pass, for instance, the San Francisco Demons PA announcer said, "Nice pass, moron!"
By the way, March is National Sportsmanship Month.
It's been canceled.
I'll tell you what, Jesse Ventura seems a little upset that sports writers are criticizing the XFL. Excuse us for not climbing aboard; we're still trying to jump off the WNBA bandwagon while it's still moving. Ventura, by the way, called sports writers "pukes." I think he's still doing his pro wrestling schtick. Anyway, note to Minnesota: Congratulations on voting for a part-time sportscaster/pro wrestler as your governor (comeback from Minnesota: "At least we didn't vote for Rocky Anderson").
I'll tell you what, Marty McSorley is not exactly reformed after his brush with the law last year. McSorley, who wound up in criminal court last season for assaulting Don Brashear with a hockey stick, was ejected from Saturday night's game between the Utah Grizzlies and Grand Rapids Griffins — his first game back since being suspended by the NHL last year. McSorley sucker-punched Utah's John Erskine. I'm guessing those anger management classes, the criminal trial and the parole officer were a complete waste of time. However, I did like his explanation for last year's assault of Brashear: "I know, and hockey people know, my intentions were good. I went out to provoke a fight like I've done a hundred times before."
We learned last weekend that Karl Malone has been thinking about running for governor, ala Charles Barkley. "It's definitely something I've thought about, without a doubt," he said. "And I'm not just saying that. I'm being serious."
Message to Malone: Thanks, but no. And I'm not just saying that, either.