Question: Our daughter is entering junior high school next year. We are uncertain about what to do regarding sex education in school. We're inclined to try to teach her this material at home. Do you have any thoughts on the matter?
Answer: Sex education has been available in public schools for better than 20 years, and more than 90 percent of high schools offer courses on sexuality or HIV. However, there's an awkward absence of good information as to the effectiveness of sex ed in the United States.
Some data attest to the value of programs in isolated areas, but on the whole, it's hard to show positive results across the board. This makes the formulation of public policy on matters relating to sex education difficult.
In addition, from an emotional perspective, few issues are as controversial as sex education. The subject is clouded by misinformation and prejudices of proponents of abstinence-only programs on one hand, and comprehensive sex education advocates on the other.
Sadly, each camp is often unbending and unapproachable, preferring to lob propaganda mortars from a distance rather than engage in cooperative efforts. It's difficult for the average person to separate fact from rhetoric in this war of opinions.
However, your question is not about public policy but about your child. Therefore, as you look to the possibility of teaching her yourself, I think you should consider four basic issues:
1. What is your comfort level? If done correctly, sex education entails discussions of physiologic processes and anatomic parts. Can you talk to your daughter in an open manner on these kinds of issues?
2. It's essential that your child be taught correct information. Often, inaccurate information is more misleading and damaging than no information at all. Is your knowledge base adequate to supply the information and answer the questions your daughter will have?
3. Information on sexual matters needs to be appropriate to the age and needs of your child. It should be parceled out in piecemeal fashion according to your daughter's maturity level and circumstances over many years. This is one area where you have an advantage over teachers at school. You are in tune with what's going on in her life — what she is watching on TV, what she is reading, and who her friends are — and in a better position to address issues as they arise.
4. Proper sex education entails more than dispensing information about biology. It includes a review of the social and emotional aspects of intimacy and the sharing of values-information regarding the proper expression of sexual urges in a manner that is consistent with your beliefs. This is another area where you can do better than schoolteachers. They do their best — virtually all sex education programs begin with abstinence and fidelity as foundational cornerstones — but many experts believe that one reason for the high incidence of premarital sex in our society is a failure of parents to convincingly pass their values on to the next generation. If you believe in chastity, you need to tell her so and help her become convinced of the advantages of waiting until marriage. You should not hesitate to share your perspectives, your wisdom and your beliefs. Don't leave this to schoolteachers. I encourage you to spend some time investigating what your daughter will be taught in the next few years. Meet the teachers. Review the curricula. Read the literature and watch the films. Then, decide whether you can best meet your child's needs by teaching her yourself, or whether you should enlist the help of educators who have been trained in this area.
There's no one right answer for every situation, and I believe the best solution is generally a combination of home-based and school-based education. All parents ought to be involved in this important experience, especially in sharing values and perspectives on the role of physical intimacy in mature relationships.
I applaud your efforts to get involved. You can't leave this important aspect of your daughter's education to chance. That approach clearly doesn't work in our sex-saturated society.
Stephen Lamb practices OB/GYN at the Millcreek Women's Center in Salt Lake City. He is also the co-author of "Between Husband and Wife." E-mail: slamb@desnews.com