Jean Racine needed a release valve on her mind. The heavy thoughts would start growing in her head, each concern rising up next to the other.
She wanted to make it stop, especially on race day. So, Racine would put her headset around her ears and let edgy music pour through her head like a liquid pipe cleaner.
But slowly, she would start thinking about her mother again.
In August, just before Racine and her Utah teammate Jen Davidson began their successful pursuit of the World Cup title in bobsled this season, Racine was sitting next to her aunt in a waiting room at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit. In a few moments, her aunt, Linda Hastings, would be on a gurney to be prepped to donate her left kidney to Racine's mother, Cathy.
"My mom has scleroderma, pretty much an unbeatable disease; and a transplant isn't going to save her," the 22-year-old bobsled sensation said. "I remember in the waiting room, I said to my aunt, 'I love you to death for doing this, but I just want to know why?' And my aunt, she said, 'This is for one reason only. Your mom wants to see you in the Games.' "
Cathy Racine may finally have that chance. The transplant surgery that was postponed at the last minute in August took place last week.
If the surgery succeeds, Racine's mother could witness the world's No. 1-ranked bobsled pilot shooting through the claustrophobic turns of the Olympic track in Park City and crossing the finish with a shot at a gold medal in the 2002 Winter Games.
But while she could easily be the subject of one of those sepia-toned, Olympic-size human dramas on TV, Racine is too upbeat to be down.
She basked in the glory of the World Cup championship she completed last month by scrubbing the floor of her parents' modest home in Waterford, Mich. Then, she will paint the bathroom. But don't check for drips. For all of her drive, courage and tenacity, Racine isn't a detail person.
That's why Davidson makes a perfect teammate. She is the Palm-Pilot-carrying brakeman for USA1, the other half to the duo that won six of seven World Cup events this year.
"I call her the Keeper of All Important Things," Racine said of Davidson, who's from Layton.
The two are total opposites. The spirited Racine is 5 feet 4 and 130 pounds, barely within earshot of the 6-0, 160-pound Davidson. The high-octane Racine is as tightly wound as a ball of yarn; Davidson is the calm voice of reason. Somehow, this yin-yang combination has clicked.
Three years ago, Racine was looking for a brakeman, and Davidson was searching for any passage into the Olympics. In 1996, as a star hurdler for Utah State, Davidson just missed qualifying for the Atlanta Games.
"It was devastating," Davidson said. "My identity was as a hurdler, and suddenly I didn't have that anymore. I remember in 1998, during the Nagano Games, I realized the next Winter Olympics was going to be in my back yard.
"I watched every event. The whole time, I'm like, What can I learn to do in four years?"
She found bobsled and Jean Racine.
Her teammate, Davidson said, is mentally tough. "I don't know if I could have withstood what she had to go through this past season."
To be sure, if the transplant succeeds, Jean Racine's mother will be at the finish line next season.
"She's my biggest fan, at every turn," Jean Racine said. "I do envision what it'll be like be in Salt Lake and have her there, just to embrace her after it's over."