OK, maybe some of the Oscar choices were lame, and even at a few minutes under the scheduled running time, the show was still too long, and Julia Roberts went into nutzoid overdrive during her acceptance speech. . . .

But, despite what some detractors have said, I thought Steve Martin was great.

And I have a theory about why the star-studded audience didn't seem to think Martin was particularly hilarious — he wasn't playing to them; he was playing to us.

Think about the jokes — deflating Russell Crowe, skewering Julia Roberts' $20 million salary, talking about the worldwide audience that perceives all of Hollywood as gay, lambasting outtasight ticket prices . . . they were jokes for the moviegoing audience.

Unlike Billy Crystal and Whoopi Goldberg, Steve was going after, not sucking up to, the stars in attendance.

And those who got into Martin's rhythms and just went with it — Roberts laughing at herself, Tom Hanks playing along with Martin's gag about the plot to kidnap Crowe — had a great time.

So I say, get Martin back next year . . . or even better, pair him with Hanks and let them tag-team the 2002 Oscars.

While we're at it, here are a few more barbed observations about the entertainment scene:

BUT WOULD YOU WATCH IT AGAIN? Did you see TV Guide's "The 50 Greatest Movie Moments of All Time" cover last week? Most of them were the usual suspects, ranging from "Casablanca's" closing moments to "Citizen Kane's" opening sequence to the cropdusting chase in "North By Northwest."

But it was the No. 1 choice for greatest movie moment that intrigued me.

Keep in mind that the Top 10 included the "Psycho" shower scene, the sinking of the "Titanic," the melting of the wicked witch in "The Wizard of Oz," Gene Kelly's curb-splashing dance in "Singin' in the Rain" and other predictable gems.

The No. 1 choice was . . . the ultra-violent 30-minute D-Day battle that opens "Saving Private Ryan."

With all due respect to Steven Spielberg's well-regarded film, and without any argument that the sequence is certainly memorable, I'm still not sure this shocking, gore-filled movie moment is in quite the same league with many of the thrilling, artistic and magical scenes that preceded "Ryan" on TV Guide's list.

On the other hand, the story also featured a sidebar list of "spoilers," each giving away plot twists from one of several classic films — never mind that there are moviewatchers out there who may not have seen them.

Ya gotta love TV Guide.

SO, BOB, TELL US WHAT YOU REALLY THINK: Bob Costas, on "Live With Regis and Kelly":

"I imagine there are women in bordellos who look at the XFL cheerleaders and say, 'Now that's cheap.' "

NO CLASSICAL, ALL GAS: On a local level, I don't know about you, but I already miss the classical music that was recently dropped by KUER (90.1 FM).

Oh, I enjoy NPR — in fact, it's the only radio news I patronize. But I also enjoyed the occasional light classical fare, which, along with its jazz programming, made KUER a distinctive Salt Lake radio voice.

Fortunately, Provo's KBYU (89.1 FM) still programs classical music, and I'm finding myself there more and more often.

AND HE SHOULD KNOW: Stephen King, asked about the film "Hannibal":

"It was OK, but it was done in bad taste."

NO, WHAT'S ON SECOND; WHO'S ON FIRST: TV Guide critic Susan Stewart recently took a swipe at the beloved comedy team of Bud Abbott & Lou Costello in her otherwise positive review of A&E's recent two-hour special "It's Burlesque."

Get this: "The footage of . . . Abbott & Costello is pretty dreary — it takes more to amuse us now."

The "dreary" footage she referred to is Bud & Lou doing "Who's on first?"

Then she cited "Seinfeld" and "Frasier" as examples of what it takes to amuse us now.

Sorry, Susan. As amusing as "Seinfeld" and "Frasier" can sometimes be, they've never come close to topping that classic Abbott & Costello bit.

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MAYBE IT SHOULD BE EBERT & DEACON: Last weekend, at the end of his "The Last Word" sports-talk show on ESPN, Jim Rome asked his panel about the Oscars, which led to some comments about movies in general

It was retired football legend Deacon Jones who got in the best lick, admitting that he hasn't been to that many movies in recent years, but that he did see "Hannibal."

He added that as a result of seeing "Hannibal," he's never going to the movies again!


E-mail: hicks@desnews.com

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