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Film review: Freddy Got Fingered

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Sometimes words fail even the most outspoken and harshest critics.

Short of giving "Freddy Got Fingered" the dubious honor of easily being the worst film released in what has so far been a bad movie year, there's not a whole lot more to say. Even with a thesaurus, there are only so many ways to say that a film is not only excruciating but also sickening and unfunny.

Instead of going any further into the movie, here's a checklist of selected "gags" (in more ways than one) from "Freddy" that are supposed to be funny:

Co-writer, director and star Tom Green (supposedly playing a "fictional" character) performs several different sex acts with several different animals, including a horse and an elephant.

Green performs masochistic acts (also of a sexual nature) with a paraplegic woman.

Green licks the exposed bone of an accident victim (who suffers a compound fracture while skateboarding).

Green helps deliver a baby and then swings the infant over his head — by the umbilical cord — like a lariat.

Molestation humor.

The latest (and possibly lamest) in a recent series of parodies of scenes from "Apocalypse Now" and "The Deer Hunter."

Green, wearing a suit backwards and walking backwards, talks in a "funny" voice.

A brief food fight in a fancy restaurant.

Humiliation humor.

Violence against women.

Green, going for all-time movie infamy, flays a deer and then cavorts around in its bloodied remains.

If you find more than one of these "jokes" humorous, odds are that this is your type of movie — and you may need extensive psychiatric counseling before you re-enter society.

For those somehow unsure of whether the movie is worthwhile, here's very brief recap of the "plot," although the movie is more a series of "skits" featuring the Canadian comedian-of-sorts: He plays Gord Brody, a 28-year-old would-be cartoonist desperate to impress his father (Rip Torn) but winds up embarrassing and humiliating him instead. (And believe me, that's all the summation this revolting nonsense deserves.)

Speaking of embarrassing and humiliating, everyone involved (besides the evidently shameless and possibly pathological Green) should be chastised for having anything to do with this hastily assembled hodgepodge, which makes the earliest, gross-out works of John Waters look like cinematic masterpieces.

"Freddy Got Fingered" is rated R for frequent strong profanity, crude humor (sexual and many other forms), violence (supposedly done for laughs), gore, simulated, aberrant sex acts, brief male nudity and brief drug use (a tranquilizer). Running time: 93 minutes.

E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com