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Rock on . . . touching all the bases

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Up in the front row

Is it your dream to attend the Final Four?

Don't get your hopes up. Even if you somehow score tickets, chances are you'll be watching from a different zip code.

The NCAA now regularly holds Final Fours in football stadiums like the Alamodome and the Metrodome. That means there are thousands of terrible seats for basketball.

Case in point: In Minneapolis, some fans paid $80 apiece to sit in seats in the deepest corners of the stadium — so far away that even seeing the players' numbers was difficult.

My advice on the Final Four: Watch it from your living room.

At least you don't have to wait in line to use the bathroom.

One-track minds

So you think Utah and BYU hate one another? Check out Duke's fight song.

One phrase says:

Duke is gonna win tonight

Carolina, good night!

If I'm reading this right, Duke's fight song is all about beating one school!

Now that's what I call a rivalry.

Steppin' out

Arizona forward Eugene Edgerson was in rare form last weekend at the Final Four, with his Afro, mustache and knee and elbow pads. But for some strange reason, he has also been known to wear the shoes of former Arizona star Jud Buechler.

Frankly, I'm disappointed with his imagination.

Couldn't he at least have worn Tom Tolbert's?

Any old reason

Police in Tucson had to fire stun grenades, rubber bullets and tear gas at rioting fans after Arizona failed to win a national championship Monday night.

Troublemakers overturned and burned cars and a motor home.

I guess I'm not up on rioting etiquette in the new millennium.

I always thought you were supposed to burn things after you won.

It's not rocket science

We can put a man on the moon. We can talk on a cell phone from a mountain top. We can make milk shakes in a microwave.

So why can't someone at KJZZ figure out how to mute the sound when Jerry Sloan gets tossed from a game?

Prior warning

I know, it's live TV.

But when Sloan gets ejected, it's not like we can't guess what's coming next.

A whopper to go

The Jazz and newspapers have been receiving calls and e-mails about April Fool's Day stories aired by the local TV stations. Most believable: the one reporting that Jeff Hornacek is coming back for the playoffs.

Still, it wasn't very imaginative.

If you're gonna make up a story, make it a good one.

This just in: The Jazz have signed Dennis Rodman for the playoffs.

E-mail: rock@desnews.com