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Rock on . . .

Book 'em, Shaq-O

Last week wasn't a good one for Olden Polynice.

First, he gets accused of assaulting a guy who allegedly hit him with a chip shot on a golf course. Worse yet, word gets out that the Oxnard, Calif., police department has offered Shaquille O'Neal a job when he retires from basketball.

What a bummer.

Shaq dominates him on the court, then nabs O.P.'s dream job.

Too bad.

So many cop wannabes. So few openings.

One-upsmanship

Take some advice, O.P.: Don't try to make a rap CD or a movie.

Shaq will beat you at those, too.

Get in line

Then there's officer Karl Malone, who's already an honorary member of the Utah Highway Patrol.

I'm starting to think more people want to get into the police academy than the NBA.

The Naturals

Maybe O.P. and Shaq could team up as partners on the beat, a Starsky and Hutch sort of deal.

At 7-feet tall, neither has a future as an undercover cop.

But bustin' heads at an Iggy Pop concert?

Definitely a possibility.

Cooking up a plan

Reports say Ute basketball coach Rick Majerus recently hunkered down in Hawaii with Dallas Mavericks' coaches Don Nelson and Del Harris to discuss zone defenses and the new NBA rule changes.

Remember the days when coaches discussed defense down in the office next to the boiler room?

I didn't think so.

Neither do these guys.

Shaken, not stirred

England? Jazz acquisition John Amaechi is from ENGLAND!

Now the NBA is getting its players from the Motherland.

I'm not saying he won't help the Jazz, but the last English dude that was really a big hit in the Colonies was 007.

IOU

Amaechi seems a good guy and should fit in fine with the Jazz.

By my scorebook, the Brits owe us Americans, anyway.

They also sent us Boy George.

Numerically challenged

Rock On odds of the Arena Football League putting a team in Salt Lake: 50-1.

Arizona Rattlers' coach Danny White told the media recently that nobody came to the game in Salt Lake this summer.

"We played a game in Salt Lake City in front of about 1,000 people. We know we have to overcome the environment," he said.

Weird part is, official attendance was listed at 5,151.

I was at that game and estimated there were about 3,000 watching.

To borrow a line from that longtime Arena Football League wideout Ricky Ricardo, Somebody got some 'splaining to do around here.


E-MAIL: rock@desnews.com