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Saving spaces is rude

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Listen up, all you seat-saving Nazis! After attending Provo's Freedom Festival Parade for several years, you have finally exhausted my patience and I yield to your position. Metaphorically speaking, with my face in the mud, your knee burrowing into my lower spine, and my right arm wrenched up to the back of my shoulder, I cry "uncle — uncle!"

However, those of you who would like to rise above your socially moronic and tyrannical state, take heed and learn. A single individual saving a space for more than four people is excessive, more than eight is unreasonable and more than 20 is simply oppressive and rude.

I arrived for the parade at 4:30 a.m., two children under 6 in tow, with the humble aspiration of locating a comfortable place from which the three of us could enjoy the parade. Confused by the masses of unoccupied blankets and chairs filling virtually every open space adjacent to Center Street, we finally just picked an open patch of grass and sat down. We were instantly confronted by a member of the Christian Boy Scout Gestapo (this I gather from his uniform consisting of a BYU hat and a Scout-a-Rama T-shirt) who informed us that, "This space is reserved for 32 people who are coming later."

We explained our plight — asked for suggestions, but Herr Christian Scout man retorted, "That is not my problem." Faced with a lack of options, we simply remained seated. My family was then verbally berated with angry words, vulgarity, and challenged to fisticuffs. So much for family fun. Next year we'll find a new family tradition.

I submit that physical bodies should take precedence over blankets and chairs — especially when somebody arrives hours before the event begins. I also believe this principle could be applied to innumerable other public and religious events within our community.

Jeff Earl