When a partner in a bad marriage falls the other is there to kick or step on him or her. But good marriages are about lifting the other, said Charles B. Beckert during his Aug. 10 presentation at Brigham Young University's Campus Education Week.

Brother Beckert said the Church's Proclamation on the Family is a priceless guide on the nature of marriage. According to the Proclamation, husbands typically assume the duties of providing, protecting and presiding — while wives and mothers act as nurturers. No duty is superior to the other, and husbands and wives each are to support the other, Brother Beckert said.

Indeed, men and women strengthen their bond by offering balance to the relationship. Brother Beckert said it's tricky to walk alone along a railroad rail for long — eventually you will lose your balance. Yet railwalkers can travel great distances if they are holding hands with someone else walking on the opposite rail. So it is with marriage.

Brother Beckert, a marriage counselor, encouraged the married members of his audience to scrap personal pronouns like "I," "Me" and "Mine." Instead, begin using "We," "Us," and "Ours." While each partner brings special talents and abilities to the marriage, the sum and power of the relationship truly is greater than its parts.

Marriages thrive or die in proportion to the quality of communication inside the relationship, he added.

"We need to communicate love in a language the other understands," Brother Beckert said.

Study the wise marriage counsel found in the scriptures, he added, and remember, nothing negative should come out of our mouths — only that which edifies and uplifts.

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Brother Beckert said many forms of corruptive communication are too often found in marriages. Prolonged silence, sarcasm, deception, criticism, profanity, angry outbursts, demeaning comments, gossip and intimidating threats all undermine trust and growth in a marriage.

Conversely, edifying styles of communications such as encouragement, truthfulness, good news, helpful feedback, words of comfort, support and stories which lift can elevate and strengthen the bond between husbands and wives.

Brother Beckert suggested that couples hold a "marriage council" once or twice a week to discuss things such as their children, finances or other family concerns.

"Then when your weekly date comes around you can talk about something else," he said.

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