"That '80s Show" isn't a bad sitcom — it's much worse than that.
It's not just that it's completely unoriginal and more than occasionally crude. It's also completely unfunny. There's not a single laugh in tonight's premiere (at 7 on Ch. 13). And there's nothing worse than a comedy that's not funny.
The shtick here is that the show is set in 1984. And that's fairly obvious, given the references to Ronald Reagan, Lionel Richie, "The Blue Lagoon," Madonna, "Dynasty," wine coolers, "Miami Vice," Pat Benatar and "Where's the beef?" Heck, there's even a "joke" about cocaine use.
Funny, huh?
"That '80s Show" centers on Corey (Glenn Howerton), a twentysomething aspiring musician who, when he isn't slacking, works at a record store. His boss, Margaret (Margaret Smith), claims to have slept with all sorts of famous rockers, including the lead singer of the Doors — whom, she said, thought that her chest "looked like mushrooms."
Funny, huh?
Corey and his perky sister, Katie (Tinsley Grimes), live with their "hip," divorced father (Geoff Pierson). The household also includes Corey's best friend, Roger (Eddie Shin), who completely subscribes to the greed-is-good theory of life. He's the sort of guy who wants to know which of his ties "says, 'I will crush you in a hostile takeover?' " and opines that " 'Dynasty' represents everything that is good and true and pure about America.' "
Funny, huh?
The cast is rounded out by the new employee at that record store — a "punk-rock rooster" (Chyler Lee) — and Corey's bisexual ex-girlfriend, Sophia (Brittany Daniel).
"She's not a lesbian, she's bisexual. She's like a vegetarian who likes turkey every now and then," Corey says.
Funny, huh?
Well, at least we get the lesbian kiss out of the way quickly — about 10 minutes into the show when Sophia puts the moves on Katie.
Frankly, "That '80s Show" is sheer garbage. Yes, it's from the producers of "That '70s Show," but there is a huge difference between the two programs.
"That '70s Show" is funny (at least some of the time). "That '80s Show" isn't.
AMERICAN FAMILY: Much has been made of the fact that CBS did not pick up the hourlong drama "American Family," a series about a Latino family. It was somehow seen as prejudice of some sort.
Well, maybe it was prejudice — not because the characters are Hispanic, but because it isn't a very good show.
Oh, it has high aspirations. It wants to be a great family drama and boasts a superior cast, which includes Edward James Olmos, Sonia Braga, Esai Morales, Rachel Ticotin and Raquel Welch.
But, frankly, the only reason the pilot was produced for CBS was because the network was trying to do the right thing and find a show about Hispanics that would succeed. "American Family" isn't it.
I'd love to be able to tell you that this is a great show you ought to watch. But I can't.
Good intentions don't make a good show. And "American Family" is predictable and mundane. It's not awful, and the argument could be made that it's not any worse than a lot of the shows that make it on network schedules.
But CBS can hardly be faulted for not going ahead with a series its programmers could clearly see wouldn't succeed.
(And PBS can't afford the sort of production values you see in tonight's premiere [7 p.m., Ch. 7] — the decline in quality is noticeable between the first and second episodes.)
Let's hope that someday soon somebody will find a network series about Hispanics that will be a huge hit. Too bad "American Family" wasn't it.
E-mail: pierce@desnews.com