As one British newspaper headlined recently: More fun than a trip to Salt Lake City? Your last Tupperware party.
Well, we wanted the world to notice us, didn't we?
"Jay and Dave must be salivating," wrote Associated Press writer Pauline Arrillaga earlier this week, meaning Leno and Letterman. "For what Godiva is to the chocolate addict, Utah is to the late-night comic: Simply irresistible."
Arrillaga's Olympic assessment is part of the second wave of media volleys. In the second wave, journalists don't directly make fun of Utah but instead write about how other media are making fun of Utah.
They don't exactly saying we're boring, they say we have the reputation of being boring. They say other people say we're dreary, goody two-shoes, "kooky and bland" all at the same time.
"The 2002 Winter Olympics open Friday, but the reviews of Salt Lake City are in and they're not kind," explained
Toronto's Globe and Mail in a story titled, "Praise the Lord and pass me a Polygamy Porter."
"The world, it seems, wants to know about only two things," wrote Houston Chronicle reporter Fran Blinebury this week: "liquor and polygamy. "
Type "alcohol" and "Utah" and "Olympics" into a Web site that lists the world's biggest publications and 686 stories come up. The reason there aren't more is that a lot of the 9,000 journalists covering the 2002 Games are from TV and radio.
Some of the stories make fun of our liquor laws and note that we don't have enough bars in Salt Lake. The other stories make fun of our liquor laws but note that, contrary to popular opinion, Salt Lake does have some bars.
In San Francisco Chronicle columnist John Crumpacker listed "XIX cool things about the 19th Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City." Three of the top four items were alcohol related.
The National Post of Toronto notes that some people refer to the 2002 Games as "the Prude Games." England's Guardian prefers "God's Games." How much the LDS Church is involved or not involved in the 2002 Olympics is also big news.
Occasionally a reporter goes beyond the easy shots, although even then there is a nod to what Mark Sappenfield of the "Christian Science Monitor" calls myths and misunderstandings: "that polygamy remains common, that pubs are as scarce as trees, that the town is whiter than a starched bedsheet."
The truth, notes Sappenfield, "is more elusive."
For some reporters, the urge to mention Donny and Marie is irresistible.
"Purple socks," writes Jeff Hicks of the Kitchener-Waterloo Record. "For heaven's sake, if you're Olympic bound, don't forget to pack your purple socks. These are, after all, the Salt Lake City Winter Games. The host state is Utah and local royalty goes by the last name of Osmond."
Of course reporters have deadlines. They can't always think of something new to say. Or check all their facts. That's probably why the Arizona Republic referred to "Tabernacle Square" and the Seattle Times referred to Delicate Arch as "Rainbow Bridge" and Michelle Hiskey of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution called Deseret News columnist Lee Benson "Ezra."
E-MAIL: jarvik@desnews.com