Among the things we'd love to see baseball rid itself of this year — starting with labor disputes, suspicious accounting, artificial turf, soy hot dogs, agents, elbow armor, dawdling pitchers and every mascot except the Phillie Phanatic — let us add Barry Bonds' aw-shucks quotes dripping with fake humility.
Just before smashing four home runs in his first six at-bats of the season against that fine Dodgers pitching, Bonds had the audacity to say, "I always wait for that one year that's going to be bad. . . . Sometimes, I wonder if the people are going to be appreciative then. I'm only human."
An obvious lie. And as we brace ourselves for the first 80-homer season, we wish Bonds would stop insulting our intelligence and just tell us which planet he's really from.
ARE FORBES FINDINGS MORE SOLID THAN SELIG? A detailed study by Forbes magazine reported that 20 of the 30 major league teams turned profits last season and that the industry as a whole made approximately $75 million in 2001. Commissioner Bud Selig, who last year testified before Congress that only five teams made money and who claimed MLB lost $232 million in 2001, denounced the magazine's findings as "pure fiction."
Minnesota Twins infielder and players union representative Denny Hocking spoke for many when he said, "Gee, should I believe a magazine that spends 365 days a year researching finances, or someone who has zero credibility?"
COULD FINLEY BE FOX MATERIAL?: It's not often a major league pitcher is forced to miss a start after getting beat up by his wife. But Cleveland's Chuck Finley was scratched from his scheduled season debut Wednesday in Anaheim after an argument with wife Tawny Kitaen left him scratched and bruised.
As the Fox network tries lining up new combatants for a follow-up to its ratings hit Celebrity Boxing, it seems the actress wife-ballplayer husband theme has potential. How about Finley-Kitaen in the main event, with an undercard of Vanessa Williams-Rick Fox and Matt Williams-Michele (Blame It On Rio) Johnson?