THE NEW GUY —* — DJ Qualls, Eliza Dushku, Zooey Deschanel, Eddie Griffin, Ross Patterson, Lyle Lovett, Jerod Mixon, Parry Shen, Illeana Douglas; rated PG-13 (vulgarity, slapstick violence, profanity, drug use, brief nudity); see the "On the Screen" column for complete listing of local theaters.
Though it features the word "new" in its title, "The New Guy" is simply more of the same old garbage Hollywood has been trying to pass off as acceptable teen entertainment for some time now.
And "acceptable" is something this film is not.
Actually, it appears to have been trimmed down — as if it was originally an R-rated movie that was snipped to get a more friendly PG-13 rating from the MPAA. However, few — if any — audiences will laugh at this stupid, painfully unfunny, nerd-empowerment comedy, which makes little sense, and which throws in several severely dated references to bad effect. (All of which betray the film's rocky road to release. The studio has delayed this film for more than a year, pulling it from nearly a dozen tentative dates before releasing it now.)
For those who care, the film's title refers to Dizzy Harrison (DJ Qualls, from "Road Trip"), a "blip" at California's Rocky Creek High School. Dizzy has been picked on by bullies for years. But the final-straw humiliation comes at the hands (quite literally) of the school's librarian.
A desperate Dizzy seeks advice from a jail inmate (Eddie Griffin), who teaches him to act psychotic and tells him to change his location. So the teen manages to get himself expelled from Rocky Creek, gets a makeover and orchestrates a grand appearance as Gil Harris at East Highland High, a neighboring school. And to his surprise, the much nastier Gil immediately makes an impression there — especially on head cheerleader Danielle (Eliza Dushku).
Still, not everyone's impressed with "Gil," especially not Dizzy's old friends (Zooey Deschanel, Jerod Mixon and Parry Shen) or Danielle's ex (Ross Patterson).
Like everything else in the movie, the ending appears to have been made up on the spot and doesn't make a lick of sense. To top it off, the film is poorly directed by Ed Decter, who lingers long after punchlines are over. (It's as if he's asking, "Well, where's the laughter?" It's not coming, pal!)
As for his lead, Qualls is completely charmless as both Dizzy and Gil, while Dushku's simply repeating her "Bring it On" role. She — and the audience — deserve better.
"The New Guy" is rated PG-13 for crude humor involving sexual and other bodily functions, violence (fistfighting, done for laughs), scattered use of profanity, simulated drug use (prescription drug abuse) and brief nudity (glimpses of nude "props"). Running time: 89 minutes.
E-mail: jeff@desnews.com