Question: How does a superstar athlete screw in a light bulb?
Answer: He holds up the bulb and the world revolves around him.
Welcome to Allen Iverson's reality.
Tired of trade rumors, the Philadelphia 76ers guard called a press conference this week. It quickly degenerated into a rambling tirade about his value to the team and NBA. Eventually he got around to the conclusion that he is the world's best basketball player — a conviction that usually holds more weight if someone else says it.
The press conference was in reaction to remarks by coach Larry Brown. After the Sixers were eliminated from the playoffs in the first round, Brown said Iverson needs to attend practice, be on time and be a leader. There was also the hint of a possible trade.
Iverson's response was that franchise players don't have to practice if they perform when it counts and that they should never have to deal with trade rumors.
By Wednesday, the two had made up. Again. Brown reiterated that the Sixers aren't going to trade Iverson, and Iverson vowed to stay on as Brown's "pit bull."
All is quiet, for now, but there will be other eruptions. Count on it.
In his many conflicts with Brown and the media, Iverson has often talked about "being a man" and deserving respect. Yet he has never learned that manhood and respect include handling problems with dignity. Case in point: Michael Jordan. Brown's critics point out that Jordan missed some practices, same as Iverson. The difference is that Jordan never called a press conference to discuss it. When he disagreed with coach Phil Jackson, he dealt directly with Jackson. Also, unlike Iverson, he skipped practice with his coach's blessing.
If it's respect Iverson craves, he should practice. It will improve his game, but more importantly, it will improve his relationship with teammates. Although Iverson says he understands that, apparently he doesn't. Here are just a couple of gems from his press conference:
"I know I'm supposed to be there, I know I'm supposed to lead by example. I know that. I'm not shoving it aside. I know it's important, but we're talking about practice. If I'm supposed to be the best in the world, why am I in here, why am I dealing with this?
"I don't feel like I'm the franchise player, because look at this press conference. Look what we're talking about. That's why I say I'm not the franchise player around here. I'm the best player, I believe that. I feel like I'm the best player in the world, but franchise players don't go through this. Franchise players' daughters don't have to go to school and hear, 'Is your daddy coming back?'; 'What's going on with your daddy and Coach Brown?' She's 7 years old, and that's what she's got to deal with. It hurt, because I know I'm much better than that."
From what I can tell, Iverson's daughter handled the situation better than he did.
The long-term issue isn't whether Iverson should practice or be traded but whether he is ever going to grow up. Trade talks are a part of the business. Getting along with your coach is just smart behavior.
Few players go through a career without a trade, even fewer without being involved in trade rumors. If Iverson's daughter has to hear that, so what. Her daddy's a multimillionaire. A 7-year-old shouldn't have to deal with serious illness, poverty, homelessness or abuse. Hearing her father might be traded won't stunt her growth.
Karl Malone has been known to express displeasure with Jazz management. He even hinted about a trade occasionally. There are many times Malone could have called a press conference to complain about Jerry Sloan's demands. It would be easy to do when making $17 million a year and still running wind sprints in practice. But when he has a problem with Sloan's demands, he takes it to Sloan.
Like Brown, Sloan expects his players — superstars included — to attend practice. Malone hates practice but comes anyway. Often he's the first one there.
For one who spends a lot of time talking about being a man and a leader, it's time Iverson starts walking the walk. Until then, he'll be just another gifted kid who thinks the world revolves around him.
E-MAIL: rock@desnews.com