Dear Harlan: For the past six years, I have had this awkward feeling. I cannot pinpoint the moment I became overly self-aware, but it is very difficult to function.
I worked very hard in college and received great honors upon graduation. I landed an excellent internship at the most reputable PR firm, but nothing seems to be working out. I am still seeking a full-time position, eager to begin a career and most of all to be myself. The latter of which I mentioned is the most difficult of all.
I owe it to myself to be the best person I can be. I worked so hard in college, placed an incredible financial burden on myself to attend the college of my dreams, but I rarely enjoy any aspect of my day. I am worn out and cannot connect well with others on a friendship level. What is wrong with me, and how should I begin to fix it? — Forgotten Who I Am
Dear Forgotten: Stop. Breathe. Take a look around. Forget about the people looking back at you.
Then start walking. Walk wherever you feel like walking. Take a break. Try a new job. Go on a road trip. Take time for yourself. Avoid listening to the noise around you. Walk with your eyes closed if the scenery is too distracting. Trust each step, no matter what you might step in. There is no wrong move. It's not a competition. There's no need to run.
Your 20s are about finding your passion. Your 30s are for pursuing it (ages might vary from person to person). Make enough money to survive. Figure out what it means to be happy. Define happiness for you. Explore what you love. There are no mistakes. Surround yourself with people who love doing the same. Then get back on the ride.
Do nothing and you'll keep feeling nothing; do something and learn to enjoy the moments — the good ones, the bad ones and all the ones in between.
Dear Harlan: I'm a 20-year-old working at a small office. There's a girl working here whom I totally like. She knows I like her. My friends at work tell me that she likes me, too. I would like to ask her to the movies or something like that, but I just can't seem to do it. I become too nervous.
The other problem is that my supervisor has told me that there is a rule that one co-worker can't date — or even like — another co-worker; is this true? My supervisor warned me not to date her or I would be fired. Can he do that? How can I ask her out without becoming so nervous? —Confused in D-Town
Dear Confused: Can you get fired for writing an advice columnist about liking her?
Yes, there could be rules against dating co-workers, and you could get fired. But nothing says co-workers can't be friends (who go to dinner and a movie). And that's the answer — try the "friendship" angle. This way, there's no need to be nervous about asking her out or the risk of losing your job.
Invite her to hang out with you and your friends. Get to know her. If there's a spark, weigh your options. If losing your job and/or opening the door to sexual harassment issues that can come with dating a superior or a subordinate concern you, admire her from a distance. You can't get fired for that — as long as you don't stare too long.
Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614. © Harlan Cohen 2003 Dist. by King Features Syndicate Inc.