Bad to the bone
Are you getting the same feeling I am . . . that we'll never get a chance to see what Curtis Borchardt can do?
This much we know he does very well: break bones.
Nevertheless, good luck to CB in 2004. Break a leg.
Sorry. I mean, here's to a healthy and prosperous new year.
Senior power
It must be Seniors Appreciation Week at The Sporting News.
The magazine selected Marlins manager Jack McKeon, 74, and Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil, 67, as co-Sportsmen of the Year.
So who's their Comeback Player of the Year, Satchel Paige?
Damage control
Remember the Lingerie Bowl? I didn't think so.
Women in scanty underwear were to play football in a pay-per-view event during halftime of the 2004 Super Bowl. But pressure on advertisers forced a switch to sports bras and shorts.
Apparently there's been at least one other change. Jim McMahon was scheduled to coach one of the teams. But after he was arrested for a DUI in Florida, Eric Dickerson started being mentioned as one of the coaches, along with Lawrence Taylor.
Good idea.
Wouldn't want to mess with the event's wholesome image.
Serious face-offs
Here's another can't-miss pay-per-view event: hockey fighting without the hockey.
A Canadian promoter is planning a boxing tournament on ice.
"You can be the best street fighter in the world, and you can get destroyed in a hockey fight because you have no balance," a spokesman told the Winnipeg Sun.
Plan on some major objections to the event, compliments of the NHL.
Wouldn't want to hurt hockey's image, either.
Goods and services
Now that's what I call a trade.
The Philadelphia Soul made a deal with the New Orleans Voodoo to take Columbus' Gunnard Twyner in the fifth round of the AFL's expansion draft. In exchange, the Voodoo was to get . . . an autograph?
Actual wording was the Soul would give up "a future consideration." According to news reports, that "consideration" was an autographed Jon Bon Jovi guitar. Bon Jovi is a part-owner of the Soul, and Voodoo assistant GM Mickey Lomas is a big Bon Jovi fan.
This just in: The Jazz are considering trading Ben Handlotgen to the Hornets for a Pete Fountain autograph and a mess o' Paul Prudhomme's chicken and andouille gumbo.
Under warranty
Elliott Harris of the Chicago Sun-Times says a reader wants to know if the Continental Tire Bowl will be a blowout.
I doubt it.
I'm guessing it will be perfectly aligned and balanced.
Wonder of wonders
Interview meister Barbara Walters is back in business.
This time it's an ABC-TV special called "The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2003."
Included on the list: Cleveland rookie LeBron James, Martha Stewart, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hillary Clinton, Nicole Kidman, Siegfried and Roy, Beyonce Knowles, the stars of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and the power couple commonly known as "Bennifer."
And one mystery celebrity.
I'm guessing Rasheed Wallace.
What's more fascinating than a guy who earns $17 million a year and thinks he's exploited?
E-MAIL: rock@desnews.com