Drain a swamp. Barge in millions of tons of sand. Sprinkle with high-rise hotels and waterside bars. Add 70,000 people a day to a mile and a half of beach.
You've got yourself Waikiki.
It's almost compulsory to dis Hawaii's most popular destination. But within the confines of this short stretch of Pacific Ocean beach front, between the Hilton Hawaiian Village in the west and Diamond Head in the east, are many Waikikis.
Duke Kahanamoku Beach
The scene: Mainland families on vacation. Conventioneers sneaking away from boring afternoon sessions at the Hilton's vast meeting rooms.
Big, wide and surprisingly uncrowded, Waikiki's westernmost beach was created in 1956 for what is now the Hilton Hawaiian Village.
"Village" is a misnomer — it is a city unto itself, the biggest hotel in the state. The hotel may be jumbo, but so is the beach.
Duke Kahanamoku Beach is actually less crowded than other sections of Waikiki farther east.
Sleeps and eats: It's the Hilton or a hike. One option within walking distance: the Renaissance Ilikai Waikiki Hotel, the home of police detective Steve McGarrett on the old "Hawaii 5-0" television series.
Tip: Rooms on the upper floors — 15th and above — in the Hilton's Rainbow Tower offer an almost aerial view of the beach below.
Fort Derussy Beach
The scene: Crew-cut-topped military personnel on leave. Veterans in Hawaiian print shirts taking a stroll. Locals know it as one of the least crowded stretches in Waikiki.
Politicians and private developers have tried to get the Pentagon to sell off this prime chunk of Waikiki property. The fort includes a hotel, the Hale Koa, open only to active, reserve and some retired military personnel.
Sleeps and eats: If you can qualify, the Hale Koa has some of the best rates in Waikiki. The food is about as far as you can get from a military mess hall.
Tip: Be especially nice to the lifeguards. Unlike the rest of Waikiki, this stretch of beach is federal property. The lifeguards are military — it's considered among the best duty posts in the world.
Gray's Beach
The scene: Crowded. Wealthy Japanese and Americans at the luxurious Halekulani Hotel mixed with legions of budget vacationers who hike in from the package-tour hotels lining Lewers Street and Beach Walk.
During busy periods, the thin beach is packed with people from the dozens of Ohana and Outrigger chain hotels nearby. Gray's is also the jumping-off point for surfers paddling out to Paradise and No. 3 surf breaks.
Sleeps and eats: Stay at the Halekulani, if you can afford it. Most visitors pick one of the dozens of virtually identical Ohana or Outrigger budget hotels. For something a bit different, stay at The Breakers or Hawaiiana, a pair of nicely maintained low-slung Polynesian-themed motels next to each other on Beach Walk.
For food, skip the overly formal La Mer and try the Halekulani's beautiful Orchids restaurant with its stellar sea views. For those on a budget, the Shore Bird Broiler in the Outrigger Reef is a fun "cook your own" spot right on the beach.
Royal Moana Beach
The scene: The heart of Waikiki. Packed with American and Japanese tourists of all types. Despite the hubbub, aficionados love the backdrop of the two oldest hotels on Oahu.
The high-rises loom close here, giving the beach an urban feel. The sand here is fronted by famous old hotels that give their name to the beach. The Moroccan-style Royal Hawaiian Hotel is the youngster, having opened in 1927. The white wedding-cake-style Sheraton Moana Surfrider Hotel has been on the beach since 1901.
Sleeps and eats: The Royal Hawaiian and Sheraton Moana Surfrider are both expensive but offer seasonal discounts of up to 35 percent during quiet times. Make sure you get a room in the historical wing — both hotels have modern high-rise sections that charge high rates to cash in on the hotels' legendary status, while offering rooms and amenities on a par with nearby, less-expensive hotels.
The Mai Tai Bar at the Royal Hawaiian is one of the better deals on the beach.
Tip: The Royal Hawaiian Mall on Kalakaua Avenue sits over what was once the entrance to the Royal Hawaiian's gardens. A beautiful chunk of the gardens still exists behind the mall — walk out the back way and through the small open gate to the circular drive.
Kuhio Beach
The scene: Everybody — and lots of them. This is the hangout for those looking for water sports. The busiest part of the beach. The Duke Kahanamoku statue marks this stretch as surf central. A cluster of stands rent surfboards, body boards and other gear.
This is the place to sign up for the best Waikiki experience: an outrigger canoe ride. Negotiate with the "beach boys" — they're usually men on the far side of 30. The going rate is about $8 for three rides on a wave.
Sleeps and eats: The Queen Kapiolani Hotel is just a block away from Kuhio Beach and an easy stroll to Kapiolani Park. Shogun, at the nearby Pacific Beach Hotel, is a great spot for sukiyaki and other popular Japanese dishes.
'Slippery Wall'
The scene: Lots of young children, beginning snorkelers and sunbathers who like to lie on inflatable rafts in calm water.
Also known as "The Wall" and "The Groin" because the beach here at the eastern end adjacent to Kuhio Beach is closed off from the sea by a low breakwater. Waves expend their energy against the wall, leaving the pool-like area between the wall and the beach. Great for kids and beginning snorkelers.
Sleeps and eats: The newly remodeled Aston Waikiki is a fun, relatively inexpensive choice.
Queen's Beach
The scene: Locals who like it for the relative ease of parking. In recent years, the beach has become popular with gay visitors and locals.
Wide, gently sloping beach area across from the wide, green expanse of Kapiolani Park. Lots of fire pits, barbecue grills, beach volleyball nets and other facilities for a fun day at the beach. This is the least touristy of the Waikiki beaches.
Sleeps and eats: No hotels, though you can snooze away on the beach.
Tip: A fun, free event is the Kodak Hula Show, a Waikiki institution since 1937.
San Souci Beach Park
The scene: Body-beautiful types who have given the spot its contemporary nickname, "Dig Me Beach." Locals have been coming for generations. If Waikiki has a secret beach, this is it.
Sleeps and eats: The old Colony Surf was reborn a few years ago as W Honolulu, the Hawaiian outpost of the Starwood Corp.'s hip boutique chain. Rooms at the New Otani next door are cheaper but significantly smaller.
Tip: Fans of San Souci love the beach and its distance from the crowds, but be warned that it's a long walk to the restaurants, clubs and shopping of the central district.