The May 27 Deseret News contains a letter from Dan Schmeidler of Sandy, who insists that seat belts do not provide any protection but are in fact a government conspiracy to raise our taxes or somehow make our lives miserable.
Actually, the government puts an alien implant device in every seat belt made. As soon as you're buckled up, this device starts sending you subconscious-level radio signals that contain propaganda from old "Brady Bunch" reruns.
Luckily you can avoid this hideous fate. You could simply cut the seat belts out of your car completely. That'll show those city hall bureaucrats who's in charge.
John Barnhill
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Salt Lake City