Funny how the passage of time changes everything.
When Jim Fassel was an 18-year-old college freshman in Fullerton, Calif., and learned that his girlfriend, Kitty, was pregnant, he didn't want anyone in the world to know, and that included himself.
"We loved each other and we made a mistake," remembered Jim as he talked via telephone from New York, where the former University of Utah football coach has been gainfully employed the last seven years as head coach of the NFL's New York Giants. "We didn't know what to do. We were young and scared. We talked about getting married, but our parents didn't think it was a good way to start a marriage. Abortion would have made it all go away but morally we couldn't do that. We had a hard decision to make."
Only their parents knew when Kitty was sent clandestinely to a home for unwed mothers in Denver to have the baby, a boy, who arrived on April 5, 1969. Three days later the baby was turned over to Mr. And Mrs. Tom Mathieson, his adoptive parents, and Kitty returned to Fullerton — and Jim. Their relationship continued and two years later they were married. Their next wedding anniversary will be their 33rd.
Jim and Kitty had four children as husband and wife, three sons and a daughter. Only their first child remained a secret.
But, as much of America knows by now, all that changed two weeks ago when Jim and Kitty Fassel, thanks to a change in Colorado adoption laws and years of earnest searching, were reunited in Highlands Ranch, Colo., with John Mathieson, the son they gave up for adoption 34 years ago.
Due to Jim's very public image, the news spread quickly. In a nanosecond, the story was on the front page of the New York Times, the entire Fassel family was being interviewed by Matt Lauer on the Today Show, and at a news conference in New Jersey, CNN broke from its regular programming to broadcast the event live. Within a week, virtually every major newspaper in America had covered the heartwarming story of separated parents and son finding one another and rejoicing in the discovery.
Just like that, a private secret became a public celebration, and to Jim Fassel the transformation was overwhelming.
"When I was 18 years old and we were trying to keep it from everybody, sisters, brothers, everyone, if you'd have told me the news was going to be on the 'Today Show' and the front page of the New York Times, I'd have had a heart attack," he said.
"I can still remember vividly how hard it was," he continued. "I can't even describe to you how hard. We'd won the national championship my first year at Fullerton (Jim was quarterback of the Fullerton Community College football team) and everything was looking rosy. We knew we were in love. That was the hardest part. It was a very difficult decision we had to make."
Jim said the search to find their son again wasn't without anxiety, either.
"Our worry was, what kind of kid would we find? Would he be a drug addict, in jail, would our (other) kids be jealous, how would it all work out?" he said. "And he (John) had the same kind of worries. He's hoping to just find a mother who's still out there, he's not even thinking about a father. But for him to find that his parents have been married for 32 years and he has brothers and a sister who are thrilled about him and for us to find a guy who's successful, who's married, who has four beautiful girls that call us grandparents, it worked out the best we could have ever expected."
This month, Jim said the whole family plans to go on vacation together in Montana. "Everyone will be there," he said. And by everyone that's exactly what he means. Everyone.
Lee Benson's column runs Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Please send e-mail to benson@desnews.com.