Dear Annie: I have been dating "Grant" for five years. Six months ago, he moved 600 miles away, and I realized I did not love him as much as I thought. I'd like to break it off. However, Grant has been very depressed lately. He cries about how unhappy he is without me, and he has contemplated suicide. I have suggested counseling and tried talking to him, but nothing helps.
How can I break up with him now? I don't want to hurt Grant, but I can't see spending my life with someone I don't love anymore. Help. — Clueless in California
Dear Clueless: You are not responsible for Grant's depression, nor can you "cure" him. He must seek therapy and possibly be put on medication in order to get better. Tell Grant that you are worried about him. Offer to help him find a therapist in his area, and encourage him to make an appointment. Once Grant is on the mend, you can slowly and safely distance yourself from the relationship without feeling guilty.
Dear Annie: I read with interest the letter from the concerned grandmother whose 14-year-old grandson, "Tim," has seizures. The seizures were sometimes triggered by computer or video games, and it was difficult for Tim to find friends.
Your advice was great, and I have another suggestion. Tim may want to investigate acquiring a "seizure-response" dog — one trained to assist epilepsy patients. Seizure-response dogs can push life — alert buttons to call the hospitals or neighbors, help the person to get up safely after the seizure and prevent unnecessary interference from people who do not know how to respond. The dog also becomes a friend, providing unconditional love and companionship.
There are many groups to contact about this type of service dog: Canine Partners for Life www.k94life.org, Great Plains Assistance Dogs Foundation, www.greatplainsdogs.com, Paws With A Cause www.pawswithacause.org and The Delta Society www.deltasociety.org.
I hope Tim's family will look into a service dog for him. — Patricia Nichols, Durham, N.C., English Springer Rescue America
Dear Patricia Nichols: Thank you for the great suggestion. We were thrilled so many readers were concerned about Tim and wanted to help. Here's more:
Dear Annie: Please suggest that Tim use an LCD monitor (or laptop computer) instead of a regular monitor on his computer. The refresh rate of a conventional monitor is probably setting off the seizures. — John La Barbera, associate professor, University of Louisville, Kentucky
Dear Annie: I'm a practicing neurologist and just read the letter from "Concerned Grandmother." Good call referring him to the Epilepsy Foundation's Web site. From the little information in the letter, most epileptologists would raise the question of whether Tim might have Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy. The age of onset (14) is typical, and the photosensitivity (must avoid video games) is typical for JME. JME is often misdiagnosed, resulting in the wrong anticonvulsant medications.
Readers should know that JME is not caused by early child abuse or "brain scarring," that JME doesn't respond to the most popularly prescribed anti-seizure medications (although it does respond beautifully to some of the newer drugs), and that patients with JME must make lifestyle changes in order to not provoke seizures.
Tim's grandmother should ask his physician if he has been tested for JME. It could make a world of difference. — Gregory Fischer, M.D., La Crosse, Wis.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxattbi.com, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. © Creators Syndicate Inc.