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Today’s column: ‘Sunday Freaky Sunday’

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As journalists we're often advised to keep in mind who our target audience is while we're writing. Which makes me wonder sometimes if I'm my own target audience.

There are times when I find myself writing things … or at least coming up with things … that make me laugh hysterically. Many of them make me laugh harder than they could possibly make anyone else laugh.

Take, for example, the idea for a movie called "Freaky Freddy vs. Jason," a combination of the late-summer hits "Freaky Friday" and "Freddy vs. Jason." Except in my version, the mind-swapping happens between movie monsters Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund) and Jason Voorhees (played most recently by stuntman Ken Kirzinger).

Suddenly, the mute Jason would be able to speak his mind. And, even more amusingly, the mouthy Freddy wouldn't be able to quip at all. Sounds fairly amusing, if you ask me.

And in case you're wondering, no, I wouldn't subject "Freaky Friday" star Jamie Lee Curtis to more horror movie chase scenes. She's already done enough of them as it is.

As you may have guessed, this is my roundabout way of segueing into yet another semi-regular feature of this column; one in which I come up with my own movie "concatenations," or scrambles of film titles.

I love doing them because often I can create something a little more original than the filmmakers did. Here are some of the other "scrambles" I've recently come up with:

AMERICAN WEDDING … AND LE DIVORCE (combining "American Wedding" and "Le Divorce").

It turns out the marriage of Jim (Jason Biggs) and Michelle (Alyson Hannigan) didn't last long. Probably because they made the mistake of seeing Merchant Ivory's latest film fiasco.

A BRUCE ALMIGHTY WIND ("Bruce Almighty" and "A Mighty Wind").

There's no real reason for this one. I'd simply love to see Morgan Freeman and Jennifer Aniston in a Christopher Guest movie.

CONFESSIONS OF DANGEROUS MINDS ("Confessions of a Dangerous Mind" and "Dangerous Minds").

Can you imagine what would happen if George Clooney's shady CIA character recruited Michelle Pfeiffer's tough-as-nails students as assassins?

28 DAYS LATER … ("28 Days" and "28 days later … ").

Or how hard Sandra Bullock's addict character would have it if she had to survive after being thrown into a post-Apocalyptic London populated with blood-thirsty zombies?

By the way, there were lots of discards this time around. I couldn't really think of a way for "The Jackassassination Tango" ("Jackass: The Movie" and "The Assassination Tango") to work. The same goes for "Uptown Bad Boys and Girls" ("Uptown Girls" and "Bad Boys II"), "The League of Extraordinary Matchstick Men" ("The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" and "Matchstick Men") and "X2 Fast 2 Furious" ("X2" and "2 Fast 2 Furious").

As for "Johnny English Wedding" ("Johnny English" and "American Wedding") and "American Splendor Wedding" ("American Splendor" and "American Wedding"), there would simply be far too many obnoxious characters on-screen.

I again need to thank my pal Eric Snider, who got the ball rolling with his suggestions, all of them involving "Freaky Friday." Among them: "Freaky Frida" (combining it with the art-house hit "Frida"), "Freaky Friday the 13th" (with "Friday the 13th") and "Freaky Friday the 13th After Next" (with both "Friday the 13th" and "Friday After Next"). Talk about freaky!

E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com