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Rock on …

Must see inside

Thirty-foot river rock fireplace, log construction, great room, showcase pool and three guest suites. Soaring views, weight room, locker room and a half-court basketball surface.

Seventeen thousand two hundred thirty square feet.

Did I mention the private water park with a 100-foot slide?

Yours for $6.1 million — unless you want to buy the adjacent 16-acre lot.

Karl Malone's house is up for sale. Payments are about $36,500 a month, in case you're thinking of moving. (Not counting taxes and insurance, of course.)

Now that Malone is playing for $1.5 million a year, I'm not sure even he can afford his payments.

Numbers shortfall

It was weird the way BYU retired Steve Young's jersey but not his number.

Still, I've gotta side with the school on this one. If they retired numbers of all the greats, that would mean Nos. 8 (Steve Young), 9 (Jim McMahon), 6 (Marc Wilson, Robbie Bosco), 14 (Virgil Carter, Gifford Nielsen, Ty Detmer) and perhaps 12 (Steve Sarkisian, Gary Sheide) would be gone.

Pretty soon the quarterbacks would run out of numbers.

Here's an idea: Use numbers with a zero in front: 01, 04, etc. It would look like a team from the Jim Thorpe era.

Either that or a team outfitted by FUBU.

Where's the beef?

The Chicago Bulls are looking for new dance entertainment. Newspaper reports say the team has sent out an APB for males over 21.

"The ideal candidate for the to-be-named team is a man who enjoys being the life of the party, proudly displays a wacky sense of humor and rarely, if ever, visits the health club," said a Bulls news release. "If you've ever owned the nickname 'Tiny,' 'Moose,' 'Tubby, 'Lumpy' or 'Bubba,' this team is for you."

Sounds like a team for Charles Barkley to me.

That's entertaining

In the it-could-be-worse department comes this news: Utah isn't the only school that can't sell out its stadium.

UNLV plays in a market of similar size to Salt Lake (1.4 million) — and has no close-by competitor like the Utes.

"Can't you put aside your lame excuses for one night and snap up your chin strap?" wrote Las Vegas Review-Journal columnist Joe Hawk the day of the Rebels' season opener.

Maybe not. The Rebels drew only 21,791 against Toledo.

Still, UNLV has at least one built-in excuse the Utes don't: There's something else to do at night around there.

Warning volley

And finally, a note to those who think blending Kobe Bryant, Gary Payton, Karl Malone and Shaquille O'Neal will be easy: "If I don't get the ball, it won't make any difference," Shaq told the L.A. Times. "A lot of people said I had a weight problem. The only problem I had was waiting for the ball."

E-MAIL: rock@desnews.com