Dear Abby: I am struggling with a family problem that could permanently break the bonds with my parents. I am a dentist, married with a family, who followed my father's footsteps into the profession. After five years working at my father's practice, I purchased the practice at full market value.
When this happened, our roles were instantly reversed. I was now running the show. Over the next six years, I took the practice in new directions. My relationship with my parents became more strained and distant as they saw me become more successful.
Father is now retired, and recently needed to have two crowns redone. Although my parents' dental care is free, there was an outside laboratory bill for the fabrication of the two new crowns that came to about $300. I asked my father to pay the lab bill.
I thought things were all right until my mother came in for a routine cleaning a few weeks ago and called me every name in the book. She couldn't believe I would charge my own father for his dental work after raising me as their son. What should I do? I told my mother I'd pay the lab bill myself. Am I wrong on this? My parents and I seem to have completely different views. — D.D.S. in Deep Doo-Doo
Dear D.D.S.: Louise, it was your FATHER! Where would you be today if you hadn't followed his career path? Allow me to share a philosophy I learned from my own dear mother: "If you're going to do something, give it your best effort." In your case, since you were providing your father's dental care "gratis," that means you should have gone all the way — and been happy to do it.
Dear Abby: I'm having trouble dealing with my Aunt "Marge." She disapproves of the fact that my husband, "Keith," is 40 and I'm 33. Aunt Marge says I should have married someone my age — or no more than a year or two older — because SHE likes men her own age. Also, SHE prefers dark-haired men, so she keeps asking me why I married a blonde.
Keith earns enough so that I can stay at home with our two children. Aunt Marge says I'm selfish to make him carry the financial burden alone. (Neither Keith nor I feel there's anything selfish about it.) What's peculiar is, Aunt Marge has always been a homemaker. She hasn't worked a day since she married Uncle Steve. Also, she constantly asks my husband if he's saving the money he earns, and what we do with it.
Aunt Marge stops by unexpectedly a lot, usually at night. If I'm wearing my robe and nightgown, she demands to know why. Then she asks why I took my shower so long before bedtime. She also constantly criticizes the way I wear my hair.
Aunt Marge gets upset because, when Keith is home, we screen our calls. I've explained that it's to avoid telemarketers, but if we don't pick up, she says in a rude tone, "I don't want to leave a message. Pick up the phone NOW!"
Abby, she's a good person in other ways, but she has always had a habit of criticizing and being too quick to judge. Do Keith and I have reason to be offended, or should we just accept that she is who she is, ignore her and not say anything? — Getting Fed Up in California
Dear Fed Up: If no one has pointed out to Aunt Marge that it's rude to ask people what they do with their money, to drop by unannounced, to give unsolicited advice about personal grooming, and to demand instant gratification when she calls, now is the time. It won't change her, but perhaps it will cause her to stop for a moment and think.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. © Universal Press Syndicate