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A toothpaste proposal

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Here's a "modest proposal" that could end the debate on fluoride. I need a volunteer to eat 16 ounces of fluoride toothpaste on prime time "reality" television just to see what happens. Fluoride lobbyists say: "It's safe and effective in reducing tooth decay." So how about one of you volunteering as the lab rat to settle this matter?

The warning label on a tube of fluoride toothpaste says: "Keep out of reach of children under 6 years of age. If more (fluoridated toothpaste) than used for brushing is accidentally swallowed, get medical help or contact a poison control center right away." Sixteen ounces might not kill you immediately. It is better that one lab rat should perish than for all of Salt Lake County to dwindle in a state of thoughtless stupor.

Is my "modest proposal" too much to swallow? It certainly was for most Hawaiians. Meanwhile, back in Utah, a fluoride-induced stupor continues. How can it be said that we are the most advanced country in the world while most Third World countries now have water that is actually safer than that of Salt Lake County?

Vaughn Robison