Barry unfriendly
The ever-accommodating Barry Bonds told reporters last week he'll likely retire after the 2005 season to pursue other interests.
Such as?
"That's none of your business," he said.
OK, he's not opening a PR firm.
But did he take performance-enhancing drugs to hit all those homers?
He's already made that clear.
That's none of our business, either.
Fear factor
Bonds said he feels no guilt by association with his personal trainer, Greg Anderson, who is involved in the BALCO investigation.
"My brother is doing drugs," Bonds said. "He's recovering. He's my brother and I love him to death, but am I going with my brother doing drugs? Of course not. You don't have any evidence. So what are you worried about?"
I'm worried that 300 of his homers are bogus.
I'll go first
A report last week said Cubs outfielder Moises Alou sometimes urinates on his hands before games. Legend says it prevents calluses and hardens hands for gripping the bat.
To each his own.
I just don't want to be behind him in the clubhouse buffet line.
Discretionary income
Plenty of people were appalled over the Dallas Mavericks' first-round playoff exit, but none more than TNT commentator Charles Barkley.
As he flipped through a playoff media guide, he said, "This is a waste of money. I think that a team shouldn't be able to have a media guide until they make it through the first round."
Wow. The Jazz haven't gone that far since 2000.
They could've saved enough on printing costs alone to re-sign Mikki Moore.
Ill-gotten gain
Lakers coach Phil Jackson has his hands full, dealing with the San Antonio Spurs — not to mention his star-filled lineup.
But it's nothing compared to his days as coach of the Chicago Bulls.
"I'm not going to say the lunatics were running the insane asylum, but the patients were running the hospital," Jackson said last week. "The doctor really didn't have any remedies."
Maybe that's because the Bulls had the incurable disease: Dennis Rodman.
Tradewinds
Reader John Fackler says he's not worried about the fact new President Michael K. Young is a BYU graduate. He points out BYU president Cecil Samuelson, is a Utah grad.
"I'll let you in on a little secret," writes Fackler. "Young will be part of a sign-and-trade deal for Samuelson."
Out of position
Actress Angelina Jolie is scheduled to carry the Olympic torch this summer, on its way to Athens.
Wonderful.
But I would have thought "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider," would have been entered in the decathlon.
E-mail: rock@desnews.com