Just when you thought people had run out of silly things to get outraged about, along came this:
Last week, Ralph Nader, the president of People Who Get Outraged, was crying foul (again) and an organization called Commercial Alert was calling for a boycott because Major League Baseball wanted to put advertisements on the bases.
To listen to the outraged, this was the equivalent of burning the flag or defacing the Statue of Liberty. One man actually used the word "sacrilege."
"I'm a romanticist," said former baseball commissioner Fay Vincent. "I think the bases should be protected from this."
Are we talking about baseball — or the redwoods?
Maybe putting ads on bases that advertise the latest Spider-Man movie wreaks with tackiness, gimmickry, commercialism and stupidity, but if you're among those who think it compromises the integrity and purity of the game, take it out back.
Baseball sold out to advertisers, oh, only about a hundred years ago. From giant signs on the outfield fence to the modern made-for-TV-viewers-only virtual ads that magically appear and reappear on the wall behind the catcher like a mirage — "Watch O.C. tonight at 8 on Fox," "VIAGRA," "Budweiser."
When Rafael Palmeiro started doing TV spots for Viagra, baseball pretty much threw in the towel on preserving the game's sanctity.
Fortunately, the American pastime was saved when a wave of good taste swept through baseball's front office — brought on by public pressure — and baseball decided not to go through with the announced plan to put red and yellow ads on the bases. But at least we've seen what the future holds.
There probably isn't anyone outside a corporate office who wants to see ads on the playing field, but nobody should be thinking they're protecting the game. When it comes to shilling, baseball is king. It has been an ad forum for beer, cigarettes, razor blades, a cure for baldness and impotence, and just about anything else that men might want.
Baseball is made for TV commercials — every half inning there's a break that's just long enough to sell you a cold-filtered, ice-brewed (whatever that is) brewski.
All of which reminds us that people pick strange battles to fight sometimes. They have no problem paying $8 to park their car in the parking lot or $20 to park their bottoms in a stadium seat. They yawn while they pay $4 for a hotdog. They barely groan anymore about the rising salaries of the players, which averages well over $2 million and is paid for by fans.
But slap an ad on a base and suddenly the world is coming to an end. Never mind that most people can't afford a seat that's close enough to see the ad in the first place.
Of course there is the segment of the population — that segment known as Ken Burns and George Will — who see the secrets of the universe in the game. In his 18-hour-long baseball documentary — which is almost as long as an actual game — Burns calls baseball "the American Odyssey . . . the Rosetta stone . . . a Blakean grain of sand that reveals the universe."
Gee, and all you saw were nine guys in their pajamas. This should help you understand why some people were upset when baseball wanted to put ads on their church.
"It's gotten beyond grotesque," Nader said, going for hyperbole. "The fans have to revolt here."
Jacqueline Parkes, baseball's senior vice president of marketing, explained the base ads this way: "We need to reach out to a younger demographic to bring them to the ballpark. It's the future of how we generate excitement inside the stadium and about the game itself."
Remember the old days when the game — and its Blakean grain of sand that reveals the universe — was enough to get people to the ballpark?
Doug Robinson's column runs on Tuesdays. Please send e-mail to drob@desnews.com.