Dear Harlan: I broke up with my girlfriend two weeks ago. I walked out on her because I told her that I didn't know if I can take the numerous hours she works. It was my fault. I am very sorry for being so selfish. I've walked out on her in the past. We have been going out for five months. She said that the next time I walked out she would not take me back. I have tried reconciling with her with flowers, e-cards and short messages on her cell phone, but with no luck. She did call me one night to say that her son misses me. What was the meaning of this phone call? Is there any hope of reconciling? Please tell me. I am so depressed right now and praying hard for another chance with her. — Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken: Why reconcile? So you can just leave her again? What's so different this time other than the timing? Once you are no longer lonely anymore, this will probably just happen again — like it always does. The way it looks from here is that you're just a possessive guy who can't acknowledge that his single mom girlfriend has to work to support her family. Until you can figure out how this will NEVER happen again and put together a plan of change (the plan should include professional help), she shouldn't take you back. As for her call, she clearly cares about you. And if you care about her, you'll make real changes that go far beyond words.
Dear Harlan: I recently met a girl I knew from high school who works at a store near me. Every time I go there, she always takes the time to talk to me, either out of interest or in an attempt to sell merchandise. Anyway, last week I worked up the courage to ask her out. She said that she couldn't go then, but told me to ask her again after Wednesday. Score! Or so I thought. — Nervous Anticipation
Dear Nervous: I think you've likely been blown off, but then again, most people don't suddenly quit work and leave notes behind. She tells off her boss: "I hate you. I hate this (expletive) place. I quit! And, oh yeah, can you give this note to the cute guy who comes in tomorrow asking about me?"
There's nothing wrong with calling her as a friend to see how she is. Tell her something like "I hope you don't mind that I looked up your number, but I went to see you at work and heard you quit. I wanted to make sure you were all right." No notes on her car (too stalkeresque). No driving to her neighborhood (too close to home). If you call her and she's not home, leave a message if the voice on her outgoing message sounds like her. Give her a chance to call and then leave it at that.
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