I'm angry all the time. I wasn't this way before. It seems like everything upsets me. Like, I scream at my mom for no reason. Or, one time, I started crying because I didn't get a pair of earrings I wanted! How can I stop this? I want to relax and enjoy my life.—Phoebe, 14, Windsor, Colo.
Phoebe, I'm so glad that you've decided to talk to someone (me!) and acknowledge how you've been feeling — it's the first step toward change. Your situation really speaks to me, because when I was your age, I had a similar problem. I had such a short fuse — but I didn't really realize it until I witnessed one of my freakouts with my family on a tape recorder (I was taping a conversation for a school project). I thought— who is this demonic person?
Well, what I ended up realizing is that I had a lot of things I needed to get off my chest. Everything from how I felt about my family's financial situation to different members of my extended family who I felt would disrespect me when they visited — little things that I didn't have anyone to help me work through. Think about your own life. Could there be things that bother you that you need to talk about? They might be coming out in these unexpected (and unrelated) outbursts. Sometimes it's tough to find a real confidant. For me? My parents were so busy working (and my dad was sick, so I didn't want to add to their problems), and I was too embarrassed and private a person to share some of my issues with my friends. That's one of the reasons people feel more comfortable talking to counselors or therapists. I'm not sure how you feel about that, but I want you to find someone you can really trust and confide in: a parent, a favorite aunt, a friend.
And if you don't? Don't be afraid to make an appointment to see your school therapist. Most of all, I don't want you to think there's a problem with you. Because, Phoebe, I'm a very happy and well-adjusted person, and I had a very similar problem exactly when I was your age. Once you start opening up, you'll find that you'll have less rage inside. Please let me know how it goes.
A couple of nights ago I had a dream with my teacher in it, and we were kissing. I felt happy when I woke up, and ever since, I keep thinking about him. I think I like him. Is there something wrong with me?—Anna, 14, Austin, Texas
You can't blame yourself for something that happened in a dream. If you wrote to me and said, I totally cornered my teacher and tried to kiss him, then I'd say, whoa, girl! But obviously, you know that doing something like that in real life would be totally inappropriate for many different reasons.
So instead let's talk about why you might have had that dream. I've heard from many reputable dream analysts that if you dream you're making out with someone, it means that there's something about the person you're kissing that you admire, and you want to emulate him or her in your own life. And that could be why you're having these types of feelings for him, too. Sometimes it can be a little tough to tell the difference between liking someone and liking them. That's my guess as to what's going on, Anna. Think about what it is about your teacher that you respect, and try to embrace those positive qualities in your own life.
Questions may be sent directly to Atoosa Rubenstein at: dearseventeen@hearst.com. Atoosa Rubenstein, the founding editor of CosmoGirl! magazine, is the editor in chief of Seventeen magazine. © King Features Syndicate Inc.