Congratulations to BYU and its police department. They've cracked the crime of the century. No longer do we have to live in fear of radicals painting red letters on the block "Y." I hope these criminal masterminds rot in jail.
Now that they have put an end to this terror, we can rest assured that they will be able to squash the food-fighting movement and the toilet papering underground. Thank you, BYU. You make me proud to be an American.