I have a huge problem with stealing. I steal from a lot of people, but no one would ever guess that I stole anything from them. I even stole $80 once. It makes me feel bad, but I am so good at it that I know how to do it without anyone finding out. What should I do? —Skyelin, 17, St. Joseph, Mich.
I think you know what I'm going to say, Skyelin. You need to stop stealing — not just because it's wrong and illegal (though you clearly already know it's wrong). And you are hurting all the people you steal from — whether they are connecting it to you or not.
But you should also stop because, at the end of the day, we're the sum of every single act we commit — for better or worse. Every time you steal, you're creating a definition of yourself as a thief, someone who lies, someone who hurts people — and I can tell from your letter that this is not who you want to be. Who would want to be that type of person?
You say you're good at stealing, so I think that's one reason you're doing it: You get a rush out of your "achievement" each time you steal and get away with it. But this kind of achievement can land you in jail! Don't fool yourself into thinking it's something you're good at. It's actually a sign of something you're bad at — and that thing is life.
Life has rules, darlin'. And one of those rules is that you don't steal. The life rules I'm referring to are really basic ones we all follow in order to have the privilege of being free people in this country. Those who don't follow these basic rules are the ones who go to jail, because they're clearly not capable of living alongside others.
Don't wait until you get busted to redeem yourself. By writing me this letter, you're giving yourself a second chance. Be smart enough to take it. Here's my advice: Look for something else (something legal) that will give you the same rush. Maybe it's a sport or a thrilling hobby (rock climbing?) — I don't know exactly what to suggest because I don't know you, but I do know you're smart and capable of turning over a new leaf. So do it. Stop dishonoring yourself and everyone around you. I have faith that you're better than that.
Lately my sense of style has changed. I went from being preppy to being kind of punk. The guy I like is punk, and my friends tell me that I am just being this way because I like him, and lately I am kind of starting to think they're right. What should I do? I don't want to change to impress a guy, but it kind of feels like I am. Please help me. —Jenny, 14, Rochester, Minn.
You're right: You shouldn't change who you are to impress a guy. But at the same time, if you like a punkish guy, it's not so weird to experiment with that style for yourself. My main point is this: Try not to judge yourself so harshly. One of the fun things about style is that you can experiment with it — so try not to label yourself, and just wear things that you like. Little by little, you'll see your personal style coming through. (At this point, it might be a little punk and a little preppy combined.) Oh, and whenever someone comments about your style? Just confidently say, "I like it!" and then move the conversation along. The less you invite others to critique your style, the less free "advice" you'll get.
Questions may be sent directly to Atoosa Rubenstein at: dearseventeen@ hearst.com. Atoosa Rubenstein, the founding editor of CosmoGirl! magazine, is the editor in chief of Seventeen magazine. © King Features Syndicate Inc.