Dear Abby: My husband and I are in our mid-30s, married 13 years. We have four wonderful young sons, ranging in age from 11 to 2, and I'm expecting our fifth and final child.
Abby, you would not believe the number of people who feel free to make comments like, "You DO know how to prevent pregnancy, don't you?" or begin to lecture me about how much it's going to cost to send them all to college.
I am a college graduate, with a career that I love and for which I am well-paid. My husband is also college-educated and successfully self-employed. We are by no means short of money. I think these things get said because we are perceived as younger than we actually are. (People often assume we're in our mid-20s, but still it's rude and oftentimes hurtful.) Our children are healthy, happy and well-cared-for.
Please give me some advice, because I'm about to lose it with the next person who says such things to me. — Mom Who Loves A Large Family
Dear Mom: There is no end of presumptuous comments that people make, trying to be funny, trying to be "helpful" or simply out of intrusiveness. Rather than losing your temper, try to handle them with humor. For those "wits" who say, "You DO know how to prevent pregnancy, don't you?" smile and reply, "Of course we do, but our dream has always been to have a large family." (What are they going to tell you — that you're wrong?) And to the person who lectures you about the cost of higher education, give a wink and grin, and say, "Thanks for pointing that out. When the time comes, we'll hit you up for a loan."
Dear Abby: I am a 14-year-old girl whose father is an alcoholic. Dad needs help, but he doesn't want to get it. I'm very sad and depressed that my dad is always drinking.
My mother has decided to move away with my little brother and me. She says it's for our own good because she doesn't want us to suffer what she did when she was a child. I understand and agree with her, but what is Dad going to do if we leave him? Is he going to drink more than he already does? Is he going to die? Please help me. — Scared About Dad, Paterson, N.J.
Dear Scared: When you, your brother and your mother leave, your father will come face-to-face with what his addiction to alcohol has cost him. I can't predict what his reaction will be. On the one hand, he may drink more. On the other, it could be the shock he needs to propel him into sobriety.
Of one thing I am sure: At 14, it should not be your responsibility to "save" your father. Only he can do that. I hope that once you are all resettled, your mother will help you and your brother to join Alateen. Alateen is an international group that was started in 1957 to provide support to young people like you, whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking. Once you attend a meeting, you will find you have a lot in common with everyone you meet there. To find out more about them, visit www.al-anon.alateen.org.
Dear Abby: What do you think about church leadership (the minister and board of trustees) who would invite the congregation to an afternoon meeting in the sanctuary to address a conflict between members and leadership, and then turn off the air conditioning for the meeting in sweltering 100-plus degree heat? — Just Wondering in Dallas
Dear Wondering: They may have been implying what you could expect if you didn't come around to their way of thinking.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. © Universal Press Syndicate