Dear Annie: I recently separated from my husband of four years due to his accusatory and jealous nature. We also experienced problems with our children from previous marriages and decided it would be best to separate and attend counseling. However, we only attended one session. Now, "Jared" no longer is willing to go.
I recently found out that Jared has been e-mailing my best friend, flirting and soliciting sex. She is married and declined his offer, but I'm sure he's still trying. He also has made several attempts with other women to have an affair.
Should I continue to hold on to the hope that our marriage is worth saving, or do I accept the fact that a divorce is inevitable? Jared always tells me that I am the only woman he thinks about, but given the recent developments, can I ever trust him? Is this a brief glimpse of his true nature? And is it true that people who accuse others of cheating are generally cheaters themselves? — Displaced Wife in Kansas
Dear Kansas: Cheaters often accuse others of the same deed, but not every accuser is cheating. If Jared is soliciting sex from other women and he refuses to attend counseling sessions with you, he is not interested in preserving your marriage. Without counseling, he will not change his behavior, and you will never trust him. We're sorry to say, it's time to cut him loose.
Dear Annie: I've been married to "Sheldon" for over four years. He's a wonderful man, intelligent and very loving.
Here's my problem: Sheldon is a diabetic. I try to take care of him by cooking healthful foods, but he insists on eating junk. He consumes chocolate and guzzles soft drinks. He refuses to eat anything made with artificial sweeteners because he says they give food a metallic taste.
We are living on a limited budget, so Sheldon buys low-cost food items that often are high in fat. I've tried everything I can think of to get him to change his ways and eat healthier, but he refuses. I love him and don't want to lose him. Any suggestions? — Concerned Wife
Dear Wife: You cannot force Sheldon to take better care of his health, and your constant disapproval provokes the response of a rebellious child. You must break the pattern. Continue to prepare healthful meals, and keep only nutritious food in the house, but otherwise, say nothing about the choices he makes.
We know it will be hard for you to see your husband develop diabetes-related difficulties, but once you realize that you are not the one responsible for controlling his health, you will be less angry and frustrated. For additional suggestions, try the American Diabetes Association (diabetes.org) at 1-800-DIABETES (1-800-342-2383).
Dear Annie: I have a brother who is married to a woman nobody likes. Over the past several years, she has managed to persuade him to stop attending family functions, so now we barely see him. Phone calls are infrequent. They have a 7-year-old son I have never met.
I realize this miserable situation is not entirely my sister-in-law's fault. If my brother had any backbone, he would insist on maintaining contact with his family, but obviously, we aren't that important to him anymore.
I don't expect you to fix this relationship, but I recall you printed something in your column last year about Reconciliation Day. If you print the information again, I promise to send it to my brother and hope for the best. — Left-Out Sister
Dear Sister: Relationships cannot be improved when only one person is willing to do the work, but we hope printing this will help. We are carrying on the tradition that April 2 be set aside as Reconciliation Day, a time to make the first move toward mending broken relationships. It also would be the day on which we all agree to accept the olive branch extended by a former friend or estranged family member, and do our very best to put our differences in the past and start over.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Tapped Out in Virginia," who complained that her husband's friend, Ralph, never antes his share for drinks and snacks at their dart parties.
It may be that Ralph has had more than his share of hard knocks in life, all the guys know it, and they value his friendship beyond what his share of the munchies and drinks would be. Perhaps Ralph makes his attendance worthwhile in other ways.
People shouldn't be judged by their financial worth. I'd guess Ralph is continually down on his luck and the guys are happy to share a good time out of pure friendship. She should trust her husband to do the right thing by Ralph. Charity begins at home. — Been There in Wisconsin
Dear Wisconsin: If Ralph is on hard times, no one should penalize him because he cannot contribute. However, if he's simply a moocher, we don't blame "Virginia" for being annoyed. In the spirit of Reconciliation Day, however, we hope she is in a forgiving mood.
Dear Readers: Try to get to bed an hour earlier tonight and remember to change your clocks forward one hour before you go to sleep. And if you haven't changed the batteries in your smoke alarms, this would be a good time to do it.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. © Creators Syndicate Inc.