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Dear Abby: Separate rooms — close couples

Dear Abby: I was glad to see your reply to "Frustrated in Florida," who doesn't share a bedroom with her husband and is getting heat about it from her parents and in-laws. You said there is no law that demands couples have to.

My husband and I also sleep in separate rooms. We are embarrassed to let people know we don't sleep together because they automatically assume we're not getting along. We still have a very close relationship and always will. — Happy With Separate Bedrooms, Gurnee, ILL.

Dear Happy: That letter brought in bushels more from couples who also sleep better apart. It seems the practice isn't as unusual as some might think. Read on:

Dear Abby: My husband and I haven't shared a bed for 15 of the 20 years we've been married. It saved our marriage. He's a night owl; I'm an early-to-bed, early-to-rise type who sleeps very lightly. Sharing a bedroom is not a part of the marriage vows. It's whatever works best for the couple — and nobody else's business. — Sleeping Solo, Pendleton, Ind.

Dear Abby: After 25 years of marriage, we use separate bedrooms, too. I have insomnia and am going through menopause. My cowboy sleeps with a lot of covers and is always cold. We tell anyone who questions our arrangement that sharing a bed doesn't guarantee sex all the time. With us, I ask my cowboy, "Should I go to the Holiday Inn or Best Western tonight?" It works for us, and we sleep great. — Rested in Mount Pulaski, Ill.

Dear Abby: Sleeping in separate rooms saved my marriage. For years, we forced ourselves to share the same bed. I finally got mad and slept in the guest room one night. We both woke up the next morning relatively sane! The only one who has a hard time with this is the family dog, who now must rotate between bedrooms. We have no problem arranging "together time." As for family members, it's none of their business. — No Longer Frustrated, Lake Worth, Fla.

Dear Abby: It took our marriage to almost fail before we realized we just needed to sleep apart. Our physical relationship improved after we used separate bedrooms because we were better rested and not so irritable with each other.

We have never told our families about it. If you print this, please do not reveal my name or location. They still don't know. — Happy in Dreamland

Dear Abby: I'm a morning person, in bed by 10:30 p.m. My husband usually stays up till 1 a.m. Having separate bedrooms works beautifully for us. When I retire at night, he rubs my feet with cream. In the morning, I bring him his coffee in bed.

Everyone needs time to themselves. I have my alone time in the morning; he has his at night. We're always happy to see each other after our alone time. For 45 years, this has worked perfectly for us. When anyone acts surprised that we have separate bedrooms, we always say, "Oh, but we have plenty of visitation!" That gets 'em. — Sleeping Soundly in Hawaii

Dear Abby: Silence is golden, I say. And that goes for telling marriage secrets outside the home. Where they sleep is nobody's business but their own! — Bethesda Sleeper


Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. © Universal Press Syndicate