Dear Harlan: I have been struggling with my life, which has become the quintessential country-western song. You know, lost job, family, racked-up debt, losing home (song goes on and on), you get the idea.
I have been thinking of joining the military, but I am afraid of losing the sense of self I have grown accustomed to and losing the people I care about the most. I don't want to become a different person, but when I look at the desperation I face daily, I think, "What else is there?"
All I really want is a job that isn't too dehumanizing. I don't ask for much, just to be able to help myself so that I can help others. — Nearly Desperate
Dear Nearly Desperate: This isn't about a job or about country music; it's about a path, it's about hope. If you knew that your path meant having to work jobs that weren't your first choice (or second or third), the jobs would be a means to getting closer to where you want to go. (The thing about dehumanizing jobs is that they are still jobs — jobs that pay the humans who work them.) But until you know where you want to go, all you see is another day of going nowhere.
Here are the questions that can map out the journey:
Where do you want to be in one year?
What are the obstacles standing in the way of you getting there?
Who are the people "in your corner" who can help you navigate these obstacles? (People in your corner are those who want YOU to succeed, know how to succeed and will not feel threatened by your success — friends, family, colleagues, higher-ranking officials, clergy, mental health professionals, etc.).
What's your plan to get where you want to go? (Write it out and put it in a place where you can see it regularly.)
Once you see it, once you believe it, once you can assemble the "people in your corner" to coach you and realize it, you can get there. Believe in yourself and make this a year that changes the country chorus into a victory ballad.
Harlan is the author of "The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College" (Sourcebooks). Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. All letters submitted become property of the author. Send paper to Help Me, Harlan! 2506 N. Clark St., Ste. 223, Chicago, IL 60614. © Harlan Cohen
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