Dear Annie: My wife and I have a friend, "Don," whom we've known over 35 years. We have lots of good history together. Between our careers, moving away and life in general, we are not as close as we once were, but we try to keep in touch. This includes occasional get-togethers with other mutual friends for dinners and weekend getaways. Our conversations have always been interesting, and everyone hugs when we go our separate ways.
We didn't hear from Don over the holidays, but we received an e-mail inviting us to his place for a summer event, along with all our other friends. I replied in a joking manner, "Nice to hear from you. Figured you'd been kidnapped and held hostage." I went on to thank him for the invite and included general chitchat.
The next day, we received his shocking reply, telling us how upset he was by that comment, and since our relationship has been so limited over the last few years, why should we expect any additional contact? He also referred to some "event" that happened several years ago and apparently changed our relationship. He said talking about it then did no good, so there is no point talking about it now. He concluded by saying we will never have the friendship we once had.
After much soul-searching, we are at a total loss to recall the "event" in question. If we offended him so much, he certainly has put on a good act for the past few years. We would apologize in a heartbeat if we knew what for.
Don's e-mail was offensive, cowardly and coldhearted. I feel a reply is justified, but I want to see him face to face. My wife says it's over, move on, Don thinks the friendship died years ago and we should avoid any future contact with him. What do you say? —Mixed Up in the Midwest
Dear Mixed Up: We really hate when people assume you know what you did, when in fact, you have no idea. Unless you can get Don to explain the "event" so it can be resolved, we have to agree with your wife that the friendship is over.
Dear Annie: My roommate, "Patty," is paralyzed with fear. She is in her mid-50s, and although a native of the city, she is afraid to drive anyplace she's never been before. Patty also suffers from low self-esteem. She recently lost her job of seven years but won't pursue a more challenging or financially rewarding position because she doesn't believe she is worth more than $8 an hour. She actually hangs her head and laments, "No one wants me."
Patty's attitude is both pathetic and frustrating. I am forever trying to encourage her and be supportive, but she constantly pushes me away and goes back to her defeatist persona. It's getting old. Our mutual friends have suggested she see a doctor for anti-anxiety medication, but she gets angry and defensive and goes back into her bedroom and sulks.
How can we get Patty to move forward and feel good about herself? She genuinely has a lot to offer but refuses to acknowledge it. —At Wits' End in Los Angeles
Dear L.A.: It sounds as if you've done everything you can. The rest is up to Patty. We recommend you check out the Anxiety Disorders Association of America (www.adaa.org) at 8730 Georgia Ave., Suite 600, Silver Spring, MD 20910. Someone there may be able to make suggestions for you and, hopefully, convince Patty to get help.
Dear Annie:This is in response to "Always Been Short," who wanted to know what to say to people who remark about his lack of height. I tell people that I was 6 feet 2 before I was involved in an elevator accident. The doctors say not to worry, I could spring back at any moment. —Keeping My Tall Clothes Handy
Dear Keeping: We love your attitude.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. © Creators Syndicate Inc.