Super Bowl Sunday is my favorite food day of the year. It makes me feel like Bill Murray in "Groundhog Day," where he is doomed to wake every morning and live the same day repeatedly. So instead of moderation, he stuffs himself with pastries, cookies and candy, knowing that no matter what he does to his body, he'll start anew the next day.
I know — too bad it's just a movie.
Which brings me to my subject: eating responsibly. It's not my strong suit, especially today. But I'm working on it.
In that light, I called Charles Stuart Platkin, author of "The Diet Detective's Countdown," available in bookstores now (www.dietdetective.com). In the book, he spells out the actual caloric cost of what we will eat today and translates it into football terms. For instance, he acknowledges that two handfuls of potato chips can go down pretty quickly. But in order to burn off those chips, it takes running the length of 49 football fields.
Maybe this year I'll take the Lay's potato chip challenge and try to eat just one.
By my calculations, I'd still have to run roughly three football fields to burn off that single chip, though if it were Tim's Cascade Sea Salt and Vinegar, it would probably be worth it.
Platkin doesn't consider himself a member of the food police. Talk to him in person and he sounds downright reasonable. Until age 30 he was roughly 50 pounds overweight. Since then (14 years) he has maintained a steady, healthy weight. But he doesn't lecture, berate or embarrass those who love food. Nor does he expect people to go, well, cold turkey on the turkey dressing. He just thinks people should be smart on days like Super Sunday. Eating two slices of Pizza Hut Cheese Stuffed Pizza, he says, requires 197 minutes worth of cleaning the stadium to burn off. His recommendation: Make it a thin crust veggie variety, or even cheese only, and eat it for lunch, rather than a mid-afternoon snack.
Meanwhile, four beers come at a cost of 64 minutes of stair climbing.
"Does it really ruin your day if you have a Bud Lite instead of a Bud, or a Michelob Lite instead of a Michelob?" he said.
Five buffalo chicken wings with bleu cheese (my all-time favorite) requires 102 minutes of officiating a football game to burn off. (Worse yet, you have to wear those goofy uniforms.) His suggestion: Use hot sauce instead of bleu cheese and skin the wings and bake them.
A bowl of chili, cheese and sour cream? Plan on running 100 football fields.
Platkin's suggestion: Put the food where you have to get up to reach it, rather than in front of the couch. You're likely to eat less.
Thanksgiving and Super Sunday are widely considered the two biggest food days of the year in America. I told him I imagined Thanksgiving was actually healthier, because at least some of the food on that day is nutritious. He agreed. Trouble is, most people binge (munch, snack, pick, etc.) a lot of other days, too, thanks to weddings, holidays, birthdays, and other events large and small. He estimates that people overeat up to 70 days to 100 days a year.
His suggestion is to view calories the way most people view money — have a budget. Nobody, he points out, can provide for their family if they spend six months a year vacationing in Hawaii. And nobody can eat like it's Super Sunday 100 days a year and maintain or lose weight.
Before hanging up, I had to ask: What does he consider the all-time worst food? His answer: fried Twinkies.
"That's the worst," he said. "It's so decadent. It's like basically thumbing your nose at all the health professionals. It's like saying, 'I'm not just going to eat this Twinkie, I'm going to fry a Twinkie.' "
He continued, "Let's say you get 2,500 calories a day. You wouldn't want to spend it all on a fried Twinkie. It's just like money — you want the biggest bang for the buck."
In which case we should all do the right thing and eat fruits and vegetables.
Knowing how Super Sunday usually goes for me, I should probably just start running wind sprints this morning. I will, too. As long as I can bring a Twinkie and a couple of hot wings along for company.
E-mail: rock@desnews.com