Dear Annie: I am 36 years old, and my wife, "Lori," is 32. We have two preteen children. I love my family and would do anything for them.

About a month ago, Lori and I started to have some issues. The phone bill came, and Lori hid part of it from me. When I asked her where the rest was, she said she must have filed it. When the current phone bill came, she did the same thing. I did some looking around and found out Lori is talking, texting and e-mailing another man at all hours of the day.

When I confronted her, she broke down and started to cry, saying they are just friends. But, really, Annie. She talks to him up to five times a day, always when I'm at work or otherwise not around. I say there's more going on.

Lori had a previous flirtation, and it took nine months for her to realize that the grass was not greener somewhere else. She says she doesn't want to lose me or hurt the kids with a divorce, but she won't stop talking to this man. She told me he is leaving town at the end of the summer and then she will only be able to e-mail him. That doesn't make it any better for me.

I love my wife with all my heart, but I don't know what to do. — Midwest

Dear Midwest: Your wife is fooling around, and whether it's a physical affair or an emotional one, it is still a betrayal of your trust and your marriage vows. Don't be so nice. All communication with this man must stop, and insist that Lori go with you for marriage counseling. She needs to understand what commitment means, and that the consequences of her flirtations can do major damage, not only to you, but to your children.

Dear Annie: I am a recent widow in my mid-30s. I have been dismayed and repulsed by the behavior of some of the husbands of couples we were close friends with.

Since my husband's accident, these couples have been very supportive, and although I welcome calls from the wives, the men phone me from work or when their wives and children are out for the evening — "just to talk." They call me "darling," "sweetheart" and other endearments. If the situation were reversed and my husband made private calls to a young widow, I would be furious. And when I see these men, they always greet me with a big hug. Yuck.

Other than moving and leaving no forwarding address, what can I do? I feel forced into a very distasteful situation. Any suggestions? — L.

Dear L.: Some married men mistakenly believe they are doing you a favor by providing the male companionship you are lacking. Assert yourself. When they phone, say, "Thanks for your concern. I'll tell 'Betsy' you called. I'm sure she'll want to know how caring you've been. Bye." And hang up. If they reach out their arms for unwanted hugs, put one hand up and say, "Good to see you," and immediately move on to greet someone else. If they make serious advances, let them know you will inform their wives. That should do it.

Dear Annie: I couldn't stop laughing at the letter from "Daniel" and his rant about "beck and call."

As a former English teacher (I'm now 64 years old), I got in the habit (in my younger days) of correcting people as they spoke. I lost TONS of friends that way. It wasn't until one kind person told me about this quirk that I didn't even recognize. I fixed it and have never been happier. I even tolerate sentences that end with a preposition. — A Fan in South Carolina

Dear Fan: We are so glad this is something up with which you have learned to put. Thanks for writing.

Dear Annie: My wife and I play gin rummy, often when traveling. We both are competitive, and although I can get a bit emotional, I do play by the rules.

During a recent trip, my wife and I played a few games in a public place. We were at a crucial point in the three-game series when she turned the card that beat me. My response, in the agony of defeat, was to let out a loud "dang it." My bellow managed to turn the heads of several people in the vicinity.

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My wife glared at me and snapped, "Don't you ever do that again. You have embarrassed me." Needless to say, I felt terrible about what happened, and my outburst all but ruined our plans for the evening.

I suppose the easiest solution would be to just not play. However, I would sorely miss those few occasions when I win. I am optimistic you will have a better solution. — Be Quiet and Deal

Dear Be Quiet: Actually, we think it's great that you and your wife enjoy playing card games together, and yelling when you lose is pretty normal behavior. Still, it should be fun for both of you. So, work on lowering your voice in public, play with your wife only in private, or play a game that doesn't get you so riled up. Pick an option, any option.


Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. © Creators Syndicate Inc.

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