This is just what Americans needed — an explanation for all that flab hanging over their belts. Best of all, it's one that absolves them of responsibility.
It isn't that regular binge diet of doughnuts, after all. It isn't even their fault. It is — you suspected this all along, didn't you? — a virus.
Researchers at the Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Louisiana released a report this week that adds to a plump pile of studies pointing at adenovirus-36, one of the obnoxious little chubby kids in the family of viruses that can cause colds and other ailments, such as pinkeye.
In this case, researchers extracted stem cells from the fat tissue of people who had liposuction and exposed those cells to the virus. Those cells, which have the capacity to become a variety of things, had the tendency to turn into fat cells. More than half of them did so. Only a few of the same types of cells that were not exposed to the virus turned to fat.
Other research has found that obese people tend to be much more likely to have this virus than do thin folks. Which, for many people, no doubt confirms what they thought all along. Their waistlines couldn't possibly reflect any of their own choices. At the least, blaming a virus seems a lot more responsible than blaming the "big-boned" people in their ancestry.
Besides the obvious gut reaction, which is that researchers sometimes have to poke through some pretty disgusting stuff, this news ought to elicit sighs of frustration from everyone who is serious about weight loss.
Many Americans will pay for and try just about anything to get thin, except the two things that actually work — diet and exercise. Now they have an excuse. Like the common cold, they will lament, there is no cure. Pass the chocolate.
But wait. A cure may be coming. Researchers say if there is a virus, there could one day be a vaccine.
But wait once again. A vaccine would prevent only the virus that turns cells to fat. It would not make people thin if they already are fat. And, most importantly, it would not keep you from getting fat if you insist on putting more calories into your pie hole than you burn in a day.
So put away that bag of cookies you were saving for a celebration just like this. Diet and exercise still reign supreme in the world of weight loss. The virus, if you have one, only makes the journey a little tougher.