PROVO — While Latter-day Saints emphasize the importance of the traditional family as a central tenet of their faith, many spend little actual time together and struggle to make having family fun a meaningful part of their lives.
Brian Hill, professor of recreation management and youth leadership at Brigham Young University, told participants during the annual Campus Education Week that a pilot study of LDS families he accessed through students in his classes on campus found those families spent an average of only 20 minutes per day together.
"That included Saturdays and Sundays as well, and they spent that time eating, most likely. Then dad is off to church meetings, the kids are off to play sports or homework or music lessons. It's not unusual for us not to have a lot of time together."
He said the study showed family members spend an average of two hours per day with at least one other family member, but he thinks it is mostly "moms helping kids with homework or driving them somewhere."
In a workshop that explored overscheduled families, Hill and his wife, Karen, said that since the 1980s, children from 3 to 12 have lost about 12 hours of free time per week, and experienced a 25 percent drop in unstructured play and a 50 percent drop in outdoor activity.
The American Academy of Pediatrics has a move afoot, Hill said, urging college admissions officers to realize "there is a place for kids who are not at the top of the academic heap and aren't in every sport and organization."
"Children's structured sports time has doubled since the 1980s, and time spent on the sidelines watching siblings has increased five-fold," Karen Hill said. Yet one-third of kids participating in organized sports want to quit. "Which are your kids? ... There's no consensus within the medical field that organized sports is valuable for kids 12 and under. They should complement child-driven play, not overwhelm it."
Unorganized, child-driven play develops creativity and imagination, dexterity, physical, cognitive and emotional strength, and healthy brain development. Children who participate in it regularly get experience in conquering fears, cooperation, sharing, negotiating, conflict resolution, self-advocacy skills and self-discovery of interests and passions.
Randal Wright has a doctorate in family studies and works for the LDS Church Education System, particularly with summer programs geared toward teens called Especially for Youth (EFY). He said one of the keys to raising successful children in a worldly environment is making sure they have fun at home.
"The biggest mistake my parents made is we did not have fun together as a family. Saturday morning at my house included lots of cleaning," he recalled. "I wish some of those days could have included a movie or playing at the park or even taking a walk.
"If the gospel is supposed to be fun, I think my parents missed the point."
Conversely, EFY programs that emphasize group fun for teens, coupled with scripture study and spiritual discussions, draw overflow crowds every year, he said.
LDS Church President Gordon B. Hinckley understands the need for fun, he said, referring to his widely-known sense of humor. Wright told of watching him at the dedication of the San Antonio LDS Temple, recalling his light-hearted banter with one official before the meeting began.
As he spoke, he was appropriately serious and emotional, reflecting on "the most difficult thing he does as president of the church — the cancellation of temple sealings (marriages)." As he spoke of that topic, he warned the audience to avoid pornography. As he concluded his remarks with reflections on his age and his life, he finished the sermon on a light note, quipping, "at my age, you never buy green bananas."
"President Hinckley is teaching us how to live in our own homes," Wright said, adding that human studies researcher William Glasser identified five basic human needs, with "fun" being fifth on the list in importance behind survival, love/belonging, power and freedom.
"I think that agrees with the gospel right down the line. ... Men are that they might have joy.
"If we're not careful, our kids will go out seeking fun because it's not fun at home. Some LDS homes are fun and mostly likely become a center place for children's friends to gather. There are other homes that our youth want nothing to do with."
Parents must recognize that being strict and having fun are not mutually exclusive, he said. Successful homes "are very strict and expect a lot." Some reason that they can't be too strict or children will rebel, he said, but children who don't have a high level of expectation eventually learn to resent it.
"When kids go into mission field not required to ever have learned anything, they resent it. If we haven't trained them, it's too late. You show by what you expect that you have faith in their ability to succeed."