Dear Abby: I am 28, single, and have no kids. I don't want any. I love the freedom of picking up and doing what I want when I want, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I come from a large family and have many nieces and nephews. I love them all, and some of my friends have children that I adore, too.
The problem is, I don't want them coming to my house unannounced. Many of these kids are small, and I have many breakables around my home. When I'm planning on having "little visitors," I take special care to put away anything I don't want broken.
I have tried explaining to friends and family that as much as I'd love for them to visit with the kids, please give me 30 minutes' notice at least, so I can child-proof my home. Many of them have taken this badly, assuming that I don't want their kids and, by extension, them in my home. How do I make it clearer? —Myra in Missoula
Dear Myra: I see nothing out of line about asking that friends or family please call before dropping over to allow you a few minutes to prepare for the visit. Aside from the fact that you have breakables in your house, what if you weren't dressed or presentable?
Calling first is common courtesy. You should not have to "make it clearer" because the people who are rude are the "drop-ins" — with or without children in tow. Of course, some parents have so completely lost their perspective that they cannot distinguish between themselves and their children, but that's another story.
Dear Abby: My problem is my older sister. She lives across the country from me, but feels, as she has since we were teenagers, that before I sell old records and CDs to get credit at the store to buy new merchandise, I should consult her to see if she wants any of the stuff I'm selling.
I have taken good care of my records over the years, so I can get top dollar, then buy more items I want while culling the things I don't listen to anymore. My sister acts like she should have first dibs and tries to guilt-trip me for not thinking of her first. What's up? I feel that almost 30 years of guilt-tripping is enough. I have made my position clear, but she tries to force me to grovel and convince her that I have done the right thing.
I don't make a lot of money. I couldn't afford to buy the things I get if I didn't first clean out the old stuff. She brings up the topic every chance she gets and constantly asks if I have cleaned out my supply of unwanted items. Is there any way to get her to let this go? —Tired of Groveling in San Francisco
Dear Tired of Groveling: You're making two mistakes. When your sister raises the subject, you can't resist taking the bait. And then you let her push your buttons. The next time she mentions the subject of your housecleaning, change the subject. And if she tries to make you feel guilty — laugh. People continue to push buttons only as long as they work. If you fail to react, she will eventually stop.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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