Dear Annie: I'm a 38-year-old woman and was widowed a year ago. I have two children, ages 8 and 5. I was happily married to the most wonderful man, but my husband died from complications following surgery. He was 44 and a terrific father and a loving husband.
Since my husband's death, my children and I feel robbed of having such a loving person in our lives. I work full time, teach catechism once a week and take care of the children. Every day is such a struggle for me. I'm extremely tired. I have thyroid disease and don't get enough rest. I do get some help from my family — without them, I would be lost. I also take the children to a local grief support program called SandCastles (www.aboutsandcastles.org).
Even though I try to stay strong, especially for the kids, I'm getting burned out. I'm very lonely. My husband was my soul mate. People have tried to tell me to get counseling, but why bother? It won't change anything. It's hard knowing I'm still young and will have to live the rest of my life without my loving companion.
Please tell me there is something to look forward to in life, because right now, I'm really hurting. — Robbed in Michigan
Dear Michigan: We know the pain seems insurmountable and unending, but life is not static, and things do change and can even get better over time. If grief support is helping your children, why can't it help you? Talking can facilitate healing, especially within a group that understands your loss. Your children deserve a mother who is emotionally whole, so we hope you will make every effort to get the help you need. Please talk to someone at your church about a referral.
Dear Annie: I work in retail. Please tell your readers that it is not OK to lick their fingers and count out money. I've seen both men and women do this.
Why would they think someone would want to touch money that has their spit on it? Is there a polite way to bring up this nasty habit? Or should I just refuse the money? — I Don't Want It in Kentucky
Dear Kentucky: We don't recommend telling people you don't want their money. They might assume their purchases are free. But we certainly understand why you don't want to handle currency that has someone's saliva on it. Keep a damp sponge handy, and offer it to any customer who starts licking his or her fingers in preparation for touching their cash. And for those customers who think this is the best way to separate your money, please think again.
Dear Annie: As a public school teacher, I regularly encounter families like the neighbors in the letter from "Bullied in the 'Burbs." While you correctly suggested the family contact the police, it's not enough.
With each demonstration of crude harassment, the family needs to smile, wave and document, document, document! If possible, they should have a video of every instance of the neighbors behaving poorly. A written log detailing the time and place of the harassment alongside photographs and video will provide documentation that will stand up in court.
In the meantime, that young family being bullied has to be extremely careful not to provide an opening for the harassment. They should go about their daily business as usual, making sure to be extremely polite to the neighbors at all times while going for the legal jugular. — Western Teacher
Dear Teacher: Thanks for the excellent suggestions. Documenting instances of harassment can be very useful when you need to take legal action, and the ubiquitousness of video and cell phone cameras makes it easier to do.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailboxcomcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. © Creators Syndicate Inc.