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Faithful football fans, RU-NFLDS-2?

SHARE Faithful football fans, RU-NFLDS-2?

Mormon men, do you mysteriously suffer more illnesses on Sunday during the fall and winter than other times of the year?

Does your wife roll her eyes while saying she sees right through your overused "Sunday Sickness" routine?

Has your wife also threatened to put a GPS unit on your car — or on you — so she can keep track of your whereabouts during priesthood meeting?

Sounds like you, too, could be NFLDS. This club/borderline cult is for those who jokingly (sorta) claim two religions — one for spiritual matters, another for sports — and who believe faith and football, like families, can be together forever.

You can also tell if you're NFLDS if ...

You tell your bishop you can only accept callings between February and August.

You believe Ty Detmer was the best-ever backup QB in NFL history, well, at least since Steve Young held that dubious clipboard-toting honor.

Spicy buffalo wings and pepperoni pizzas are staple treats at your Family Home Evenings.

The opening hymn for those FHEs sounds a whole lot more like "Are You Ready for Some Football?" than "Love at Home."

Your kids brag to primary friends about how your family holds Family Home Evening every Monday, occasionally on Thursdays and as many as three times on Sundays.

Your fantasy football team always includes at least one former BYU player, one returned LDS missionary from a different college and one ex-Ute who, you've always said, "would make a good Mormon."

You have a bumper sticker: RUNFLDS2?

Your favorite teams are the Pittsburgh Steelers (or Packers or 49ers or ... ) and anybody who has somebody on the roster — coach, player or waterboy — who once had a connection with LaVell Edwards, whether he was a coach, player or waterboy.

Speaking of Edwards, you're convinced the Detroit Lions would've won a couple of Super Bowls — or, heck, at least won a couple of games — if he had accepted the coaching job he spurned back in the Glory Days.

Speaking of Edwards yet again, you're convinced he and Steve Young will eventually be appointed general authorities.

You've quoted Vince Lombardi in a church talk.

You laugh at all the beer ads, but you really have no clue whether a brewskie actually tastes great or is less filling. Now milk on the other hand ...

Speaking of the Word of Wisdom, you feel sorta guilty munching on beer nuts.

You've had to tell your kids they don't have to call it a "Heck Mary" pass.

You thought Mormino was John Beck's nickname on the Miami Dolphins, not knowing he actually has a teammate with that last name (rookie guard Drew Mormino).

Your grandma asked if LaDainian Tomlinson was a Utah native — perhaps begat by LaMar and LaDonna in LaVerkin?

Your "three-hour block schedules" on Sunday begin at 11 a.m. and 2:15 p.m.

You've asked your bishop to move the other three-hour block to the 8 a.m. to 11 a.m. slot.

You bought a TiVo — so you wouldn't miss a snap — after he politely declined your request.

You hoped you'd grow a foot or two so you could go on a mission and play outside linebacker.

Your loved one/church leaders believe you need intervention. You think you simply need a comfy recliner, a loaded fridge, a working remote and some compassionate understanding.

E-mail: jody@desnews.com