Get online these days, and you'll find LOTS of people writing six-word autobiographies. It's like we're all channeling Julius ("I came! I saw! I conquered!") Caesar. (i)
My funny friend Lisa, for example, just posted this minimemoir on her blog (www.hightouchmegastore.net): "I want this, I want that."
Here's another one: "I love this, I hate that."
"Brilliant!" I said. And the next thing I knew I was writing various versions of my life story (instead of a column).
Here's what I've come up with so far.
"I used to have stomach muscles."
"Did I turn off the oven?"
"Did I turn off the sprinklers?"
"Did I turn off the lights?"
"I'm starting my diet on Monday."
"I only want one more bite."
"Maybe I want two more bites."
"Just give me the whole enchilada."
"Does this make me look fat?"
"Should I grow out my bangs?"
"Should I get my hair frosted?"
"Are you SURE it's another boy?"
"Hey, guys, rinse off your dishes."
"Hey, guys, pick up your socks."
"Hey, guys, take out the garbage."
"I know! Bacon makes everything better!"
"Did you brush your teeth yet?"
"I'm serious. Bring home the change."
"Dude! Has anyone seen my keys?"
"Why don't you stop for directions?"
"I mean it! Stop for directions!"
"Surprise! The Cubs blew it again!" (ii)
"I'm. Never. Watching. The. Cubs. Again." (iii)
"Did anyone let the dog in?"
"Did anyone let the cat out?"
"Wait — I got another moving violation?"
"Wait — my library books are overdue?"
"Wait — it's my turn to teach?"
"But I just DID the laundry."
"I thought YOU had the tickets!" (iv)
"Where did we park the car?"
"I'm. Never. Using. My. MasterCard. Again." (v)
"Didn't we just finish celebrating Christmas?"
"Wait — I have a deadline today?"
Yes! YES! Yes, I absolutely do have a deadline today!
Time to stop writing my life story. Time for you to write yours instead (six words only, please).
Send it to me when you're finished. Who knows? Maybe we'll publish it.
You! Now appearing in the Deseret News!
(i) Minor character in popular French cartoon strip "Asterix and Obelix."
(ii) This one is my husband's six-word memoir, actually.
(iii) Whatever.
(iv) Turned out neither one of us had the tickets.
(v) See (iii).
E-mail: acannon@desnews.com