The Unexpected Life: The boat that won't take you to shore

I was in my late 20s when there seemed to be a trend toward attending self-help classes that were exciting, purging, rejuvenating, eye-opening experiences. I thought it sounded like a great learning experience and a wonderful opportunity. Though I had taken my fair share of psychology in college, I was game to learn more.I found a friend and we traveled to Utah to attend a class that lasted several days. The class went day and night, giving us little time to sleep, therefore keeping us very focused and extremely vulnerable. We went through a variety of exercises designed to purge us, to strongly encourage us to confront our pasts and open up.In theory, there was merit in what we were doing. However, there was something concocted, strategic and manipulative about the situation.In the class were people who had struggles. They wanted to fix their marriages, their feelings of loneliness, their anger toward everyone who hurt them during their childhoods and every other situation you can imagine. Many people felt like they were "healed" through these experiences — as they confronted the people who had hurt them, they instantly felt liberated. Time would teach them otherwise.The class did not and could not produce a lasting change or softening of the heart.I realized that focusing on and dissecting everything about ourselves — and those who offended us — left us vulnerable and powerless.I soon learned that a true change of heart comes only through humility, repentance and submission to God as taught to us in the scriptures. Then we can enjoy the many workings of the Holy Ghost, which include introspection, comfort, healing, love and forgiveness.One day I was talking to a friend who is a marriage counselor about these self-help classes and she said, "That is a boat that won't take you to shore." (She always has a way of speaking volumes in one sentence.)If we are to get lasting results, we must recognize our total dependence upon our Savior, knowing the world's solutions will only provide occasional waves — exhilarating as they may be at times — that never will take us to shore.I know from personal experience that the self-help route can provide some fun rides with all the books, lectures, personality tests, explanations, etc., but will never take us all the way in. I have actually seen this happen time and time again. I have known people who have dedicated the past 10 to 15 years in the self-help arena, riding a variety of waves, feeling enlightened and all-knowing at times with the new trends of psychology, but they still have not made it to shore; they are left with the same questions and continue to look for answers.The gospel of Jesus Christ is the only boat that takes us to shore.I want to make it clear: I am not referring to those who need professional counseling. There can be great value in seeking an objective perspective and hearing a voice of authority and wisdom. I do believe we have great professionals who can help us along the way. I have many friends who work as social workers, psychologists or rehab workers; they are some of the finest people I know. They are busy doing a much-needed work.However, as one who has traveled an unexpected route, I have seen so many people spend much of their lives in the self-help arena, analyzing, dissecting, dwelling and indulging in their pasts or in the pasts of another. They are trying to figure out why they are not married, why they were not blessed with children, why their children are the way they are, why they married the person they did, etc. They attend classes, read books and continue to search for answers. This may provide a sense of closure at times, but again, it's a boat that will not take us to shore.At a BYU symposium, C. Richard Chidester said this about those who reject the Savior's power: "Some saints talk as if the ability to be spiritually transformed lies totally within their own power and is their own responsibility. They intend no malice, nor would they ever deliberately reject the Savior they cherish; yet without realizing it, because of confusion or misunderstanding or being influenced by the philosophies of the day ... they reject the redeeming power of the Savior. As a result they diminish his influence in their lives as they turn to their own willpower and egos for their strength."I had a wonderful psychology professor at BYU, the late Trevor McKee. He taught us to exercise our brains in a way I never had experienced before. It was amazing how he could get us to see things one way and the next week he could get us to see a contradictory view just as clearly.This went on throughout the semester. I remember being leery of him, as he was so persuasive and influential. I was very careful; I didn't want to be vulnerable or deceived. Little did I realize that I had nothing to worry about.The moment I will never forget was during the last day of class. He reminded us that we had discussed many psychological theories, but they were just theories and we could discard them. Then he told us that if we truly wanted to have the answers to psychology, life, parenting and relationships, they could be found in one book. He held up the scriptures. He explained that in the scriptures we could learn all we needed to know for these kinds of questions.His advice reminded me of the quote from President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Mormon apostle said: "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior."At that moment, I knew he was telling the truth. This insight would affect the rest of my life — how I spent my time, the books I would read, how I would approach the scriptures and where I would seek for answers. This gem of information put all my secular learning into perspective for me.As I turned to the scriptures, I knew in them would be the answers to life's questions. I watched closely as to how the Lord dealt with people and relationships. I learned that he was quick to extend mercy and yet knew the value of being just. I noticed how he treated others. I was enlightened as to how he allowed others to make mistakes. I learned the importance of adversity, forgiveness and how he blesses and loves everyone regardless of who they are.A self-help book couldn't even begin to instruct me as powerfully or as accurately as the scriptures, or words from the modern prophets, have.Yes, the gospel contains the answers that we are looking for. It is the only boat that will take us all the way to shore to land on sure, solid ground.