Toddlers can smell fear.
They can actually sense the pheromones released from a parent when that parent has absolutely no idea how to handle the screaming 2-year-old who has sprawled herself in front of the ticketing line at the airport because she wants to ride the baggage carousel.
Yes, these are the moments toddlers live for.
You know they all talk about it at the park the next day. I can hear my daughter now: "My mom had no idea what to do. She just kept counting to three over and over again. It was hilarious."
It's a law of nature that kids like to see their parents freak out, and they'll do just about anything to elicit such a moment of panic.
It did, however, come as a surprise to me recently that a child as young as 2 years old could have mastered the mature art of emotional manipulation in an attempt to get the coveted shock-and-awe response.
This rude awakening happened while we were driving in the car and my daughter wanted a cookie. She was determined to get that cookie.
So determined, in fact, that when it was clear she was not getting the cookie, she looked straight at me and said, "I no love you. I love daddy. No mommy."
Ouch.
It was at that moment I realized there's a lot more going on in that little brain than just a constant loop of Elmo singing. She knows where my buttons are and how to push them … hard.
And more often than not, she pushes them when we are in public, usually standing in a checkout line next to some overly helpful grandmother who leans over to tell me I should discipline my child who has just dumped out an entire display of Kit-Kats and is now eating Chapstick that she plucked from the shelf.
I try to stay calm at these moments and pretend like this is all OK with me. "Oh yes, we're buying those," I say as I scoop up 16 candy bars with bite marks. "Yep, 16, that's just what I needed. Oh, and this Chapstick, too."
It's critical at this moment that my daughter doesn't sense my panic, or my embarrassment.
As much as I want to fall to the ground in a heap of Kit-Kats and tears, I can't.
When it comes to toddlers, you can't let them know they've affected you.
Otherwise, they win. And if they win, you can bet you've got a lifetime of shock-and-awe tactics ahead of you.
My husband and I employ this attitude of indifference when my daughter throws temper tantrums. At first, we didn't know what to do when she would have one of those slam-your-head-against-the-floor-to-get-attention kind of fits.
We stood there like idiots as she rolled from side to side, kicked her legs and shrieked. We even left the room at one point in our best efforts to ignore the tantrum, but she just followed us with this look that said, "How dare you leave in Act II, Scene III, of this fit. I was just getting to the best part, and you have not been dismissed!"
So we did the only thing any self-respecting, nurturing parent could do — we videotaped.
We plan to show the footage to her when she is throwing a similar fit at age 15 after we won't let her go out with a guy named Tony who just showed up at the door with five earrings and a tattoo and keeps calling our daughter "babe."
We'll whip out this video as she's declaring she hates us and that we're ruining her life, and we'll critique how her tantrum methods have evolved through the years.
"Well, I like that you've stuck with the inconsolable backward head throw. That's really working for you. But you're not getting the same range you used to get on your shrieks. Maybe try screaming from your gut instead of your head."
Oh, she's going to love us.
Erin Stewart's blog, Just4Mom, can be found Tuesdays and Thursdays on our Web site. E-mail: estewart@desnews.com