McKay Coppins: McKay Coppins: So, you didn't serve a mission...

Last week, when I addressed my column to young men struggling with the decision to serve a mission, I had no qualms about encouraging them to go. I firmly believe that if you have faith in the gospel and are willing to work hard, a mission will provide one of the most rewarding experiences of your life. Now, one week and several indignant e-mails later, I havent changed my mind. But as I sort through the dozens of messages decrying my self-righteous assertion that young men will regret skipping a mission, I realize that these adversarial readers generally fall into two categories. First, there are the disgruntled returned missionaries who, perhaps in a direct effort to prove me wrong, claim their mission was the worst two years of their lives. They speak at great length of disobedient companions, arrogant mission presidents and their discouraging failure to baptize investigators. Some even claim they lost their testimonies while serving as missionaries. Now, I wont attempt to comment on each individual case, because I know that each mission presents its own unique challenges. But generally, I tend to believe that people have the ability to create their own circumstances. We get out of life what we put into it, and Ive known many missionaries who had great (if difficult) experiences, even despite disobedient companions and arrogant mission presidents. They simply chose to have a great mission, and it happened. I feel sorry for the RMs who hated their missions — they missed out on the experience of a lifetime, after all — but theyre not the ones that really worry me. The angry readers Im worried about are the ones who belong to the second group: the ones who never put on the black name tag. I read several messages from people who, for one reason or another, didnt serve a mission, most of whom bitterly defended their decision. Many of them went so far as to insist that missions are a waste of time. But while their rhetoric was snide, haughty and even harsh at times, it wasnt hard to see past the bravado. The fact is, life in the church can be pretty hard for those who decided to forego a full-time mission, and I cant blame them for getting defensive.It can be easy for those of us who followed the church-recommended path of missionary service to judge those who didnt. Of course, only the extremely self-righteous among us actually voice their ill opinions, but I think many more members silently label non-RM men in the church as unrighteous, uncommitted or unworthy.This sort of mentality does nothing but alienate certain members of the church and make them feel less important. Its no wonder so many young men who dont serve missions quickly fall into inactivity. Too many of us blame their absence from church on a lack of commitment. Well, they didnt serve a mission, we say. They probably dont have testimonies.In reality, many of them probably just cant stand the criticism and judgment that radiates from their fellow ward members. If we want to keep these young men active in the church, we should treat them as any other saint — because thats exactly what they are.The truth is, we have no idea why these people didnt serve, and it is not our job to try to guess. Their soul is just as valuable as the RM who out-baptized his whole zone or served as AP, and they can still play an important role in building the kingdom of God.I still believe serving a mission was the best decision of my life, and I hope that all young men get that opportunity. But if they dont, hopefully those young men are still active members of the church when they do experience the best two years of their lives.Its up to us.