Dear Annie: I am in my early 30s and happily married. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for four years. We achieved pregnancy once, which resulted in a miscarriage. Meanwhile, our friends are having babies left and right. I no longer can handle baby showers, but I always send gifts and good wishes.
In these four years, we have encountered both well-meaning and cruel people who say awful things to our faces and behind our backs. Our struggles have served as gossip at parties, which is embarrassing and hurtful. Here are some of the gems we've heard: "There must be something terribly wrong with you," "You're selfish for not coming to my baby shower," "Fertility treatments are morally wrong, so it's no wonder they're not working," and "Maybe God doesn't want you to have children."
How should we respond to these types of comments? It is painful to know that our fertile acquaintances don't feel our situation deserves respect or discretion.
— Infertile Myrtle
Dear Myrtle: Some of those comments are utterly reprehensible. You have several choices of response: "Thank you for your opinion," "Sorry you feel that way," "I'm sure you didn't intend to be hurtful and cruel" and the all-purpose "I can't imagine why that's your business.
If you have not already done so, please contact Resolve (resolve.org) at 1760 Old Meadow Road, Suite 500, McLean, VA 22102 for support and encouragement.
Dear Annie:My husband and I have neighbors who have get-togethers every weekend, and they always invite us. We like them well enough, but we cherish our time alone together or with friends and really don't want to socialize with the neighbors every weekend.
Although we have attended several of their functions, we know they are offended when we turn them down. How do we handle this?
— Canada
Dear Canada: You have become hostages to your neighbors. You are not obligated to tie up your weekends with them, so please don't allow them to bully you into doing so.
Say as sweetly as possible, "We're so sorry, but we have plans this weekend. Maybe another time." Repeat as often as needed. If they are offended, so be it.
Dear Annie:I read the letter from "Shorty's Mom," whose 18-year-old daughter is mistaken for a child. I am a petite 18-year-old girl. I barely reach 5 feet and weigh 100 pounds. I am always mistaken for being younger — usually around 13 or 14. When I step out of the driver's seat of the car, people assume I am just 16.
Although my size makes some things difficult (I once had to ask a boy in my art class to reach the paint off the top shelf), I am proud of my height. Sure, I get discouraged sometimes, and let's not forget the neck cramps from always looking up. But, hey, that's what makes me who I am.
Tell Shorty's Mom to let her daughter know she is not alone in this world. There are a lot of us out there who are mistaken for children and we're OK. It doesn't kill us.
— Another Shorty
Dear Another: We love your positive attitude and appreciate your taking the time to send those words of encouragement.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.